Just Jack!

Jesse and I had lunch with an acquaintance of ours yesterday.

I say acquaintance of ours because I thought we were friends. But, after lunch, we realized that he has way too much drama to be a friend of ours.

However, Jack brought drama to a new level.

He ran over to us saying, "Hey guys! How are you? Can I sit with you?"

First mistake--saying yes.

He sat down and proceeded to tell us how he was really a Republican (while he was wearing a College Democrats T-shirt). He exclaimed, "I'm only a Democrat because I like to have sex with men. But, I am Jewish so I guess that is another reason I am one."

Um, wow.

I said something about all the men he as dated. He hit me. Now, it wasn't like one of those playful hits that you do when you're joking with someone. It was really hard and actually hurt a little. So, I did what I would do to anyone.

I hit him back.

I wanted to know more about why he thinks he is a Republican. "Well, I am pro-life, anti-death penalty, and a supporter of NAFTA. So, I guess that makes me a Republican," he said.

"It sounds to me that you are more of a moderate."

"Oh, and I hate immigration! That's an issue I am so vocal on. I think that those who are here should stay but anymore who want to come in should not be let in. I hate Mexicans. I'm a Democrat so it's ok if I'm racist.

"I'm a Mexican," Jesse said. "Well, El Salvadoran. My mom was an illegal immigrant."

"Really?!" he asked. "Well, I'm sorry if I offended you. Well, actually I'm not. I don't really care."

Jesse and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes.

Then, his phone rang. He answered it(a HUGE pet peeve of Jesse's, by the way) saying, "Hello-who-is-this-where-are-you-what-are-you-doing?"

"What does the P stand for?" I asked after he hung up. (His middle name.)

"Patrick," he answered, "but I don't know if I want to go by Jack Patrick Lewis or just be known by one name, like Madonna. You know, just Jack! Or just my initials, JPL. It's such a hard decision."

He was wearing a paper ring around his finger and Jesse asked him about it. He said that it was "an engagement ring" from a guy he'd been dating for like, one month. He then told us the story.

"We were at Sizzler and were talking about marriage when he asked me to marry him. He made a ring out of this stuff (pointing to a straw wrapper). What is it called? A straw condom."

"A straw wrapper," I offered.

"Yeah, yeah, that's it. So he made a ring and asked me to marry him right there in the Sizzler."

AUTHOR'S SIDENOTE: Sizzler?!?!? How classy and romantic, really.

"So, I told the waitress we had just gotten engaged and I wanted a dessert for free and she said, 'For real?' and I thought she wasn't going to make the dessert because we were gay but she did and it was huge and really nice. I mean, I could have made it myself but I wanted her to and I wanted it for free and she made it all nice. I think she only made it for us because she didn't want to be accused of discriminating against gays."

At this point, I had finished with my lunch and had some rice and beans leftover. He was staring at them intently so I offered them to him.

"Oh, thank you! All I have are these crackers that were 80 cents for a pack of ten at Big Lots and this Diet Coke that was also on sale. The crackers are probably stale because they are from Big Lots."

"This isn't a Diet Coke, it's a Diet Max," Jesse snobbishly said, picking up the can. It was a Albertson's Diet Cola.

"Same thing," Jack! said. "Oh and I'm so excited to see Rent this weekend."

"It doesn't come out until the 23rd," I said.

"No, it comes out tomorrow. My boyfriend told me and he would know," Jack replied.

I retorted, "Um, sorry. I am the biggest fan and I've been waiting for it for a while. I KNOW when it comes out."

"I'll have to agree with Megan on this one," Jesse interjected.

Yeah, you don't to argue with me on anything Rent-related. But nice try.

Finally, it was time to leave. I had to get back to work and Jesse had to go study.

"You guys just don't like me, I know it. That's why you are leaving. Fine."

And he spilled his ice on me.