"Is it any wonder?"

I'm often asked why it is I only have gay boyfriends. I like to think that I have other people besides my boys who I am close to, but when I really think about it, I realize that I don't. If some major catastrophe occurred, I think about who I would call first. No doubt, at least two of my boys would be in the top three.

I'm really not sure of my "attraction" to gay men. They are much more fun and not as bitchy as women. Well, there are some exceptions. But I really enjoy hanging out with gay men despite the small annoyances that occur every now and then.

I also think that it's the "mother" in me that helps in my "attraction." Gay men, because of the sheer vulnerability of being gay, are fragile and I just need to help and fix them. They are a needy kind and I am there for them.

And yet, I often feel that I need them more than they need me.

Little things are said or done that make me question what my friendships really are.

I am insecure, scared and vulnerable.

I give and give and do this or help out with that because I know that, in doing so, I become needed and wanted. I don't ask for much in return. A simple acknowledgement of my feelings every once in a while would be nice.

I care about my boys and I don't think they realize how much or reciprocate the feelings.

It's times like these I wonder why I'm friends with them at all.


Sometimes it's hard to know where I stand
It's hard to know where I am
Well maybe it's a puzzle I don't understand
Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm
Stranded in the wrong time
Where love is just a lyric in children's rhyme, a soundbite

Is it any wonder that I feel afraid?
Is it any wonder that I feel betrayed?
"Is it any wonder?" Keane