"With a little help from my friends."

I am not a girly girl; I hardly wear makeup, despise painting my nails and doing my hair, and usually wear whatever is most comfortable even if that means wearing something out of the hamper.

It should come as no surprise to readers of this blog and those who read the above sentence that throughout the course of my life, my best friends and those I feel most comfortable with have all been members of the opposite sex.

Some examples of my penchant for being friends with males include:

• My best friend in pre-school was Danny. I got so upset one day that I couldn't sit by him at lunch that our teacher made me sit in time-out for 10 minutes.
• My best friend in the 3rd grade was Clarence, a black kid who lived around the corner. Every day after school, he'd come over to my house and we'd jump on the trampoline until dark.
• In the 6th grade, I became close to the school outcast, Clay. He had no other friends but somehow we bonded and talked about how when either one of us got rich what kind of car we'd buy the other (mine: Jaguar, his: Lexus). I now realize that Clay was gay and often wonder where he is now.
• During my high school years, I ran around the school in Birkenstocks and Gap jeans (our Jesus look) with Eddie, who I knew was gay long before he ever realized it. We passed time by going to Seminary and making fun of the Marmans.
  
• My first closest friend when I moved to SLC was Santi, a recently returned missionary who I assumed was gay when I met him. He claimed he wasn't only to come out a year later and find his life partner 1 year after that.
  

I never thought that it was odd to have boys as close friends. And now, I understand why I attached myself to boys over girls. It has nothing to do with a physical or sexual attraction as much as I enjoy the company of men over women. I came to this realization recently as some events unfolded surrounding a "Girls Weekend" that turned into utter stupidity; I would rather hang out with a group of gay men and deal with all of their drama any day over a group of women and their catty bitchiness.

Now, this is not to say I don't have some great friends who are girls. In fact, some of my best and closest confidants today are four girls without whom I would be completely lost.

But if I get to choose who I want to spend eternity with, groups of gay men will be my first choice followed closely with groups of straight men. Old people come next (they sleep a lot) then drag queens. Groups of girls tie with groups of children for last place.

As I've wracked my brain trying to figure out why I don't like hanging out with groups of girls, I realized a lot about myself.

I don't like hanging out with other girls because most of the time, girls are constantly comparing themselves to the other girls around. I stopped doing that in high school and could care less that Missy has the body of a Barbie Doll. (Although, I'm sure Ralphy appreciates it greatly :D). I see absolutely no point putting myself through that hell.

I also realize that I have been falsely accused of creating drama. All I've ever wanted is for my (gay) friends to get a long together in the same group. I have tried to be the glue only to have the house of cards crumble down around me. In the past, I have found it annoying that certain friends can't hang out with other friends and I have to keep them separated. But now, I realize that that's just how gay men are and as much as I want to, I can't change them. They love me for who I am so I must love them for who they are.

In the end, guys really are so easy to deal with.

On how not to win friends and influence people within the gay community

All these suggestions come from my dealings with a gay man whom I spent an inordinate amount of time with yesterday.

1. Use deodorant. Some gay men have told me that antiperspirants work best but really, I don't care what you use as long as you use it and don't have B.O.

2. Don't tell me how many men have crushes on you. It is especially annoying when, in every turn our conversation takes you exclaim, "Oh yeah, he totally has a crush on me." Also, I don't care if every gay man at BYU has a crush on you. You've never even been there so shut up about it already!

3. Don't drop names. And don't keep dropping the same names throughout our conversation. Like, I don't care who your hairdresser is neighbors with or who your trainer is roommates with. And I certainly got it the first time you said it--you don't have to keep saying it.

4. Don't talk about politics like you know what you are talking about. It was obvious within the first few minutes of our conversation when you said, "Mitt Romney is going to win the whole thing just because he's Mormon" that I knew you were full of shit. Read a newspaper every now and then.

5. Stop trying to 'outgay' everyone else! I get that you are an artist/dancer/whore/actor/waiter/vegetarian--like every gay man out there isn't at least one of these things? I mean really.

6. Stop. Talking. Just stop. I can't take it anymore.

"I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch."

A few weeks ago, I attended the kid's Girl Scout meeting to sign her up to sell "The Cookies" (which, BTW, are now on sale so if you'd like to help my kid get her cookie selling patch, please let me know). There was one girl who told the leader that my kid was doing something that she was not. My kid was very embarrassed and began to cry. I realized that the cattiness in girls starts very young and no matter what I do, I'll never be able to protect my kid from it.

Every now and then, I question why my closest friends are gay men but then I realize that they are so much like girls, it's not even funny. (And I'm not talkin' about dressing up in women's clothing). It wouldn't matter if I was friends with more women; I'd basically get the same thing. You see sometimes, gay men are the cattiest, most bitchiest people around.

One of my serious New Year's Resolutions is to "not say mean or hurtful things about people I like behind their backs." In these short 22 days, I am proud to say that I have kept this resolution. It's really not that hard, I've found, because all I really need to do is just express my feelings upfront. And I guess this is why I am noticing how mean people are lately--the gossip, the cattiness and bitchiness that so many of us participate in. I am by no means perfect (this blog is proof) but it really annoys me these days when people are just downright mean to someone no matter if it's behind their back or to their face.

The other night as I was hanging out with some of the gaggle, a few just kept saying really rude things about a friend of mine and they didn't care. I realized that this wasn't the first time this had occurred and I began to wonder just how often they do this and what they say about me when I'm not there.

As I drove home that night, I began to wonder, "How am I to teach the kid that this behavior is not what makes true friends when my closest friends are being jerks right in front of her face?" And, more importantly, "Why are my friends like this? Is it just because they don't like this other friend of mine or because they are gay men and they HAVE to act like this?" I usually give most of my friends the benefit of the doubt regarding most things they do because that's just how they are. But most of them are not rude people (or maybe they are and since I like to see the good in people, I haven't seen it).

I realized a while back what my catty bitchiness did to others and when I reflected further on my actions I found that I mostly was like that because I was insecure about something that was going on or who I was or whatever. So I know that people who are like this--including my very own friends--are only doing it out of jealousy, insecurity, or even revenge. And in the end, they're only hurting themselves.

"Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you." Mean Girls