"With a little help from my friends."

I am not a girly girl; I hardly wear makeup, despise painting my nails and doing my hair, and usually wear whatever is most comfortable even if that means wearing something out of the hamper.

It should come as no surprise to readers of this blog and those who read the above sentence that throughout the course of my life, my best friends and those I feel most comfortable with have all been members of the opposite sex.

Some examples of my penchant for being friends with males include:

• My best friend in pre-school was Danny. I got so upset one day that I couldn't sit by him at lunch that our teacher made me sit in time-out for 10 minutes.
• My best friend in the 3rd grade was Clarence, a black kid who lived around the corner. Every day after school, he'd come over to my house and we'd jump on the trampoline until dark.
• In the 6th grade, I became close to the school outcast, Clay. He had no other friends but somehow we bonded and talked about how when either one of us got rich what kind of car we'd buy the other (mine: Jaguar, his: Lexus). I now realize that Clay was gay and often wonder where he is now.
• During my high school years, I ran around the school in Birkenstocks and Gap jeans (our Jesus look) with Eddie, who I knew was gay long before he ever realized it. We passed time by going to Seminary and making fun of the Marmans.
  
• My first closest friend when I moved to SLC was Santi, a recently returned missionary who I assumed was gay when I met him. He claimed he wasn't only to come out a year later and find his life partner 1 year after that.
  

I never thought that it was odd to have boys as close friends. And now, I understand why I attached myself to boys over girls. It has nothing to do with a physical or sexual attraction as much as I enjoy the company of men over women. I came to this realization recently as some events unfolded surrounding a "Girls Weekend" that turned into utter stupidity; I would rather hang out with a group of gay men and deal with all of their drama any day over a group of women and their catty bitchiness.

Now, this is not to say I don't have some great friends who are girls. In fact, some of my best and closest confidants today are four girls without whom I would be completely lost.

But if I get to choose who I want to spend eternity with, groups of gay men will be my first choice followed closely with groups of straight men. Old people come next (they sleep a lot) then drag queens. Groups of girls tie with groups of children for last place.

As I've wracked my brain trying to figure out why I don't like hanging out with groups of girls, I realized a lot about myself.

I don't like hanging out with other girls because most of the time, girls are constantly comparing themselves to the other girls around. I stopped doing that in high school and could care less that Missy has the body of a Barbie Doll. (Although, I'm sure Ralphy appreciates it greatly :D). I see absolutely no point putting myself through that hell.

I also realize that I have been falsely accused of creating drama. All I've ever wanted is for my (gay) friends to get a long together in the same group. I have tried to be the glue only to have the house of cards crumble down around me. In the past, I have found it annoying that certain friends can't hang out with other friends and I have to keep them separated. But now, I realize that that's just how gay men are and as much as I want to, I can't change them. They love me for who I am so I must love them for who they are.

In the end, guys really are so easy to deal with.

Girls v. Boys

All this week, I have been volunteering at my church's Vacation Bible School. It has been an interesting social experiment as I observe the vast differences between boys and girls.

I am helping with crafts. We make fun little things that will be lost or thrown away within a week: Popsicle stick frames, foam badges, beaded bracelets. Every kid seems to enjoy each craft; we haven't had one child refuse to participate yet.

What strikes me, however, are the differences in personalities between boys and girls no matter their ages. Groups are divided by age: 3-4, 5-6, 7-8, 9-11.

And in every single age group all the girls do the same thing while all the boys do the same thing. The girls will sit there and quietly work on their craft. They make it look pretty, don't use too much glue and carefully ensure it is complete and safe before playing.

The boys, however, are constantly talking and moving around. I don't know how many times I've told a boy to sit down and listen this week. While the girls patiently wait for instructions, the boys have already started on their craft because they think they know exactly what to do and refuse to listen to directions (much like men when the drive).

After the boys are finished with their craft, insanity ensues. They are up and yelling and instead of playing quietly with play-doh or whatever else we have for them (like the girls), they are making faces, running around and just don't stop!

I encountered a similar situation during my kid's soccer bouts this Spring when, during half-time, the girls would either run to their parents or the coach and sit and rest and drink some water. Meanwhile, the boys would still be playing soccer.

The energy level is boys is so much greater than that of girls it almost drives me nuts!

But why are boys like this? And why is it so different in boys and girls? Also, I wonder if it is different in boys who are gay (or for girls who are gay)? Do these personalities traits switch?

On the gays dating....girls

Yes, that's right, I said gays dating girls.

Yesterday, one of my boys informed me that he has a date tonight. With a girl.

I asked him how that was possible. He replied that it was girl from work who he gets along with quite well and she casually asked him if he wanted to hang out. Not wanting to be rude, he accepted her invitation to go on a double date with an old college roommate and her fiancee tonight.

A co-worker of my friend said that he thought it was cool he was finally going out with Kelly (the girl) because he could tell there was a chemistry between them. Baffled, I tried to tell him how he must tell this girl that he was gay; how wrong it was to lead her on believe that a long-term relationship could be a possibility.

"Aren't you gay anymore?" I asked while trying to suppress my laughter. (Suppressing it didn't last long).

He told me no but that he found the whole gay dating scene to be quite annoying. This lead us into a deeper discussion about gay men and relationships (or lack thereof) and why so many gay men have whorish tendencies and thus the inability to have long-lasting gay relationships. I certainly don't know the answer as many of my closest gay friends are the exception rather than the norm in gay society.

In short, my friend is playing this girl. As one who feels the need to protect those of my gender who have no gaydar (and seriously, I have no idea how she can't tell he's gay), I tried to convince my friend that it was wrong to pursue this. As much as he despises the games gay men play, the mindless sex, the chat rooms, the insecurities and flamboyancy many gay men have, he can't just not be gay because he doesn't like those aspects of the culture. There are many things I do not like about the Marman church but because it is a part of my culture and heritage, it will always be a part of me and a part of the person I am today. (I like to think that it is the cause of me being a liberal Democrat).

Virtually every single gay man that I know has dated, kissed, had sex with, or made out with a female at one time in his life. And every single one has told me the reason for this is because it was the norm--they were ashamed to be gay and some even thought that if they dated girls, they would become straight.

In today's culture, "gay" surrounds us. On TV, in movies, at the coffeeshops, in our elected officials, in business leaders--hell, even fashion is becoming more and more gay! I wonder how many young 14 and 16-year-olds are coming out at earlier ages because it is "cool" to be gay even though they may not really be gay. While being gay is becoming more and more accepted in today's culture, I believe that there is still a subversive and underlying belief that being gay is strange and even wrong. I think the downfall of a culture begins when it's own members begin to back away from it and start degenerating others in that culture and the culture itself (like gay men dating women even though they've been 'out' for a few years and even have the ex-boyfriends to prove it).

This post has turned into an unexpected comment of one of the weird aspects of gay culture. All I wanted to write about was my gay friend dating a girl. I found it amusing last night but now, I feel kinda sad.

Sad, because of what he perceives himself to be and sad because what he perceives the entire gay culture to be. He hates it (and maybe even himself) so much, that he's willing to sacrifice being his true self and happiness to something he is not and never will be.

As if that school couldn't get any worse

I wrote on my other blog about why I can not bring myself to attend or even apply to that other law school in Utah.

I found another reason today.

I attended a the party's women's club luncheon today and the president of the club told a story about a reporter (and I use the term very loosely) from the student paper on that campus who called her to "ask her about that woman, Ms. Clinton, who was running for President." (I believe that's SENATOR Clinton to you).

Laura (the WDC President) stated that this was an exciting time for women to be involved in politics, especially with Nancy Pelosi's leadership.

This self-proclaimed "journalism student" then had the absolute audacity to ask, "What was that other name you just mentioned? Is she someone important?"

I shit you not. What horror! What blasphemy!

Eleka and others, can you please tell me exactly what is taught on that campus? Obviously it is not current events or pertinent information that would make one a well-rounded and informed citizen of this world.

Classifying gender roles

As I was watching this touching video from Sigur Ros I began thinking about stereotypical gender roles and how they affect children while growing up.

I've never much conformed to these gender roles nor pushed or even believed in them.

I grew up a sort-of tomboy. I idolized my brother and would rather play with his Star Wars toys than my sister's Barbie's. I shared a room with two of my sisters growing up and one day, I got so angry at them I packed up my stuffed animals and moved into my brother's room. My punishment from my sisters was to lock me out of the house for 3 hours one day.

My best friends since childhood have usually been male. And now, although I'm not a girly girl by any means, I am a relatively "normal" 25ish woman. I like my jeans and filp flops but like to dress up every now and then.

Then there is my daughter. She IS quite the girly girl and loves to dress up, have her nails done, wear makeup and play with her Barbies. I have no idea where she gets it. However, she also likes playing with her cousins' paintball guns, driving their go-carts, and getting dirty. But nothing she's interested in is going to define her gender role. And nothing should.

I don't think that just because a boy liked to dress up in his mom's dresses or played with dolls when he was younger is going to make him gay. Just like me being a tomboy or my daughter playing with paintball guns isn't going to make us gay.

Why is society afraid of letting children step outside gender roles? Why must we be forced to conform to a standard society has put on us and not be who we really are?

I find it disturbing when parents force their children to play with certain types of toys or do certain activities so they will "turn out a certain way." To me, in doing so will only stifle individualism and character. We can't force kids to be who they are or to be happy.

The secret to raising happy, healthy children is to just let them be who they are. In a perfect world, society will accept everyone for who they are and who they love and what they believe in.

It doesn't matter if they're gay or straight, men still can't plan worth a damn.

Last Saturday, Melissa, her friend Jana, and I had plans to meet up with her other friend Levi (and his friends) and have a fun party/bonfire in the mountains.

We should have known that straight men could not adequately plan an event.

I met up with Melissa and Jana around six only to find out that Levi had not called to tell us what was going on (you know, simple details like, where we needed to meet them and such). We hung out at Jana's for about half an hour when he called telling us we needed to drive to the mouth of the canyon where he'd pick us up. Oh, and we should be there between 8 & 8:30 because he needed to go home and shower.

What?! We thought. That was NOT in the original plans.

So we basically had 2 hours to kill (as it would have taken us 1 hour to get to the mouth of the canyon).

We knew we'd need supplies for the night if it was already turning out poorly. So, we stopped at the 7-11.
While Melissa and I purchased some choice alcoholic beverages, Jana bought condoms in the hopes of "getting lucky."

We were then on our way. 10 minutes into our road trip, Levi called. The party in the mountains was cancelled as it was raining. But, we were going over to his friends house to hang out and that would be fun, he assured us.

Yeah, it wasn't.

Road trips rock!

We hung out at this guy's house for a few hours, drank some and got bored. While Levi read a magazine, his friend read the newspaper. So much for a fun time. Eventually, we just left because we were so bored we couldn't take it anymore.

Lesson learned: Don't leave event planning to the boys. They'll just screw it up. And, it doesn't matter if they're gay or straight; they all suck at it (as you will read in my next post).

This is just like C-Span, except I'm not bored.

I recently noticed that I was on the blogroll of one super-fabulous Elle Woods. It is quite an honor to be there.

Yesterday, I noticed that I had been added to her list of "Cotton Candy Girls."

OH-MY-GOD! I don't even know what a cotton candy girl is but it sounds so great! Do I owe a membership fee? Do I need to get a manicure or buy a really expensive purse? I'm not blonde, I kinda was once but it really didn't work for me. Do I need to go back to being blonde? So much to do, so much to live up to!

Or, can I just continue to be my usual snarky, sarcastic self?

Snaps for me!