The Role of the Fag Hag

What is the purpose of a gay boy's "Fag Hag"? For quite some time, I have wondered this. My usual role has been to introduce one gay boyfriend to another (or others). This is usually the ok part of the job. Sometimes things work out for the best, and sometimes they don't. The other role is to be there for them through drama or breakups or coming out.

Now, I am very protective of my gay boyfriends. Some, more than others, yes. I try to be there for all of them when they need me. However, I can only handle so much. I don't like to get in between two of them. Some of them may disagree vehemently with that, but they are the ones who cause most, if not all, of the problems. Usually, I am put into this position by one of them because I am the only one who is friends with all of them.

Friends talk about each other with each other, no? My life is no exception. When one gay boy has an issue with another, I hear about it (except for the boyfriend issues). What I can't understand is, when one tells me something about another, what is their reasoning for telling me? Do they just want me to know or do they want me to tell the other? I have struggled with this fine line. It often causes contention when I tell one something the other said about him. Who knew gay boys could be so fickle?!

As such, I get blamed for many of the problems. This, in my opinion, is not fair. Last year, we established that if anyone has any problems with anyone else, they would directly bring that issue up with that person. This rule was never followed. Instead, stuff was told to me which I, in turn, told another.

I wrongly assumed that I was told these things in order to try and fix things, as is my nature. Some things, should have been left alone, I realize that now. And sure, I may have contributed a little to the ensuing drama. But I never ever ever intended for my concern to be interpreted incorrectly. Whoever interpreted my actions as a detriment, that was their own fault.

I often hear about a problem one is having with another. I sometimes offer advice or register concern because I feel that that is what is wanted. If not, then why tell me?

For example, there is one gay boy who decided it would be best to no longer be in contact with another. I supported his decision and decided to do whatever possible to help him keep this decision. However, he often asked me about the other and even told me how much he missed him and things he had been doing to change the situation he created. Some of these things were very harmful and the sign of some emotional imbalance. Being the overprotective fag hag that I am, I told the one what the other was doing. We both felt that the actions were verging on stalking.

This is not healthy. I felt that some serious steps should be taken, knowing full well that it would cause heartache and possibly something worse. I'll admit it, I am more loyal to some of my gay boyfriends then others. But it is because they mean more to me and are more honest and genuine with me than the others. I don't like being lied to (just ask Jesse) and I don't like bad things said about the ones I am the closest to (just ask Adam).

So, when I told about this "stalking," I knew what effects it would have. But I don't think I deserve to be harassed by late night phone calls and cryptic messages on my voicemail. If I was to be the confidant, then let me know. I think that my actions were warranted. Dangerous behavior and the threat of harm was imminent, I believe.

Now, I know that only being friends with gay boys will cause problems and drama. I obviously can't please everyone and I don't apologize for my actions. Most of the time, the situation is rectified and we all continue to be friends. I can tell that, that is not going to be the case here. But it has shown me who my true friends are and who really cares about me. The others, well, I guess I was never meant to be their fag hag.

Don't despair though, I am certain yours is out there.