On the gays dating....girls

Yes, that's right, I said gays dating girls.

Yesterday, one of my boys informed me that he has a date tonight. With a girl.

I asked him how that was possible. He replied that it was girl from work who he gets along with quite well and she casually asked him if he wanted to hang out. Not wanting to be rude, he accepted her invitation to go on a double date with an old college roommate and her fiancee tonight.

A co-worker of my friend said that he thought it was cool he was finally going out with Kelly (the girl) because he could tell there was a chemistry between them. Baffled, I tried to tell him how he must tell this girl that he was gay; how wrong it was to lead her on believe that a long-term relationship could be a possibility.

"Aren't you gay anymore?" I asked while trying to suppress my laughter. (Suppressing it didn't last long).

He told me no but that he found the whole gay dating scene to be quite annoying. This lead us into a deeper discussion about gay men and relationships (or lack thereof) and why so many gay men have whorish tendencies and thus the inability to have long-lasting gay relationships. I certainly don't know the answer as many of my closest gay friends are the exception rather than the norm in gay society.

In short, my friend is playing this girl. As one who feels the need to protect those of my gender who have no gaydar (and seriously, I have no idea how she can't tell he's gay), I tried to convince my friend that it was wrong to pursue this. As much as he despises the games gay men play, the mindless sex, the chat rooms, the insecurities and flamboyancy many gay men have, he can't just not be gay because he doesn't like those aspects of the culture. There are many things I do not like about the Marman church but because it is a part of my culture and heritage, it will always be a part of me and a part of the person I am today. (I like to think that it is the cause of me being a liberal Democrat).

Virtually every single gay man that I know has dated, kissed, had sex with, or made out with a female at one time in his life. And every single one has told me the reason for this is because it was the norm--they were ashamed to be gay and some even thought that if they dated girls, they would become straight.

In today's culture, "gay" surrounds us. On TV, in movies, at the coffeeshops, in our elected officials, in business leaders--hell, even fashion is becoming more and more gay! I wonder how many young 14 and 16-year-olds are coming out at earlier ages because it is "cool" to be gay even though they may not really be gay. While being gay is becoming more and more accepted in today's culture, I believe that there is still a subversive and underlying belief that being gay is strange and even wrong. I think the downfall of a culture begins when it's own members begin to back away from it and start degenerating others in that culture and the culture itself (like gay men dating women even though they've been 'out' for a few years and even have the ex-boyfriends to prove it).

This post has turned into an unexpected comment of one of the weird aspects of gay culture. All I wanted to write about was my gay friend dating a girl. I found it amusing last night but now, I feel kinda sad.

Sad, because of what he perceives himself to be and sad because what he perceives the entire gay culture to be. He hates it (and maybe even himself) so much, that he's willing to sacrifice being his true self and happiness to something he is not and never will be.