High School Today

I think it would really suck to be gay and in high school today. At least in my alma mater.

I've been substituting there for the past 3 weeks and not a class period goes by without me hearing someone call another student "Faggot" or say "You're so gay." It's quite a sad commentary on high school teenagers and the current hostile culture that currently exists.

I haven't met any students I automatically suspect is gay although I do have some suspicions. Even if I do come across one, he/she will probably be so far in the closet as to not get their ass kicked.

So sad. I thought things were changing.

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On looking Gay

Shawn and I went to see Nada Surf at the Gallivan Center tonight. He was worried that he didn't "look gay enough" because he was wearing a baseball cap and hasn't shaved in a few days.

So he rolled his pants up a few times and he achieved instant gay-looking-ness. Funny that.

Good story for today

This was in the NY Times Magazine on Sunday and it was such a good article, I thought I'd share it with you.

It's not scary, it's kinda hot...unless they're ugly.

Oh, Wait, It's Just the Clintons

Little girl: Mom! Mom! I'm so scared! I just saw the scariest thing!
Mother: What is it? What's wrong?
Little girl: I saw two men kissing!

--Pizzeria Uno's, Astoria

via Overheard in New York, Sep 6, 2007
And that's it!

PDA's

As much as I covet and desperately need a Blackberry, alas, this post is not about that kind of PDA.

Last night, as I was doing some yardwork, I was thinking about the couples that I know and how none ever show any public displays of affection towards each other.

My straight couple friends (M & R/C) never do this in public (thank you!) although they do hold hands while walking. And no one ever gives them a second glance. But I've noticed that a lot of gay couples won't even attempt to do this.

As for the gay couples I know personally, it's rare to see them holding hands or kissing/hugging in public. I understand their hesitancy to do so and sometimes wonder if gay couples who are overtly affectionate in public are only doing so to attract attention.

One time, after a movie at the Gayway, J & B & I were walking to our vehicles. J & B were holding hands while walking down the almost-deserted street, I was walking a few paces behind them when we saw a group of straight guys walking towards us. Since it was relatively dark, these guys didn't see J & B holding hands until they passed us. One of the guys yelled as he passed, "Dude!" And the three of us thought the worst. "That's so awesome! Two guys!" the guy said. We collectively breathed a sigh of relief then started to laugh. (I think they were looking for a 3rd). ;)

Another time, while in Boston, J wanted to conduct a little experiment. As we walked through a busy mall/building (I honestly don't know what it was), he wanted to hold hands. We did and as we walked he exclaimed, "No one here is giving us a second look. I guarantee that if B and I were walking through here holding hands, people would be glaring."

It's sad, but he's right.

I find it highly annoying when straight couples literally make out for the whole world to see. Like, while waiting in line for the movies or while eating dinner at a restaurant (I saw both this weekend). I don't mind if they hold hands or hug or have their arms draped around each other but kissing is way too much. And making out is way over the edge.

Why aren't more people annoyed/disgusted by this? And why don't we heckle and say rude things to them when they do this? Why is this behavior only reserved for gay couples? I mean, like the straight couple, they are just showing the world their love for their significant other.

I just find this piece of phenomenon interesting. That's all.

On the gays dating....girls

Yes, that's right, I said gays dating girls.

Yesterday, one of my boys informed me that he has a date tonight. With a girl.

I asked him how that was possible. He replied that it was girl from work who he gets along with quite well and she casually asked him if he wanted to hang out. Not wanting to be rude, he accepted her invitation to go on a double date with an old college roommate and her fiancee tonight.

A co-worker of my friend said that he thought it was cool he was finally going out with Kelly (the girl) because he could tell there was a chemistry between them. Baffled, I tried to tell him how he must tell this girl that he was gay; how wrong it was to lead her on believe that a long-term relationship could be a possibility.

"Aren't you gay anymore?" I asked while trying to suppress my laughter. (Suppressing it didn't last long).

He told me no but that he found the whole gay dating scene to be quite annoying. This lead us into a deeper discussion about gay men and relationships (or lack thereof) and why so many gay men have whorish tendencies and thus the inability to have long-lasting gay relationships. I certainly don't know the answer as many of my closest gay friends are the exception rather than the norm in gay society.

In short, my friend is playing this girl. As one who feels the need to protect those of my gender who have no gaydar (and seriously, I have no idea how she can't tell he's gay), I tried to convince my friend that it was wrong to pursue this. As much as he despises the games gay men play, the mindless sex, the chat rooms, the insecurities and flamboyancy many gay men have, he can't just not be gay because he doesn't like those aspects of the culture. There are many things I do not like about the Marman church but because it is a part of my culture and heritage, it will always be a part of me and a part of the person I am today. (I like to think that it is the cause of me being a liberal Democrat).

Virtually every single gay man that I know has dated, kissed, had sex with, or made out with a female at one time in his life. And every single one has told me the reason for this is because it was the norm--they were ashamed to be gay and some even thought that if they dated girls, they would become straight.

In today's culture, "gay" surrounds us. On TV, in movies, at the coffeeshops, in our elected officials, in business leaders--hell, even fashion is becoming more and more gay! I wonder how many young 14 and 16-year-olds are coming out at earlier ages because it is "cool" to be gay even though they may not really be gay. While being gay is becoming more and more accepted in today's culture, I believe that there is still a subversive and underlying belief that being gay is strange and even wrong. I think the downfall of a culture begins when it's own members begin to back away from it and start degenerating others in that culture and the culture itself (like gay men dating women even though they've been 'out' for a few years and even have the ex-boyfriends to prove it).

This post has turned into an unexpected comment of one of the weird aspects of gay culture. All I wanted to write about was my gay friend dating a girl. I found it amusing last night but now, I feel kinda sad.

Sad, because of what he perceives himself to be and sad because what he perceives the entire gay culture to be. He hates it (and maybe even himself) so much, that he's willing to sacrifice being his true self and happiness to something he is not and never will be.

Be Moved. Then Act.

This has been floating around this past week so you may have seen it already. If not, please watch it now and then do something about it.



It brought me to tears.

This I believe is true (or why gays should be allowed to marry)

I have a secret to tell you.

I am not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

But I have been a gay activist for over 4 years now. I have fought for complete equality for all Americans because I believe in decency and fairness and most of all, love.

My quest began when I started working on passing an effective hate crimes law here in Utah that covered sexual orientation. It didn't pass that year (2003) but I did sit on a panel with a former ACLU attorney and a prominent professor of Sociology to discuss said hate crimes bill. After that, I went on to stop the unnecessary and discriminatory gay marriage constitutional amendment in Utah. Sadly, it passed.

I then got involved in many GLBT organizations and affectionately became known as "the straight single mom" in gay circles. I even applied for a couple of jobs at the local GLBT Center. Four boards and four years later, I am still fighting the fight.

I really do *heart* gay people. I believe that people should be allowed to marry whomever they choose--no matter their gender. I believe that no one should be discriminated against because of their sexual orientation. I believe that gay people do not choose to be gay but do choose the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I believe (much to the sadness this would bring me) that gays should be allowed to serve in the military (if they choose) with no repercussions. (I still do not believe in war, just for the record).

And today, it seems as though more and more Americans are agreeing with me.

According to a recent Gallup poll, 59% of Americans believe that homosexual relations between consenting adults should be legal. This percentage has fluctuated over the years. Before July 2003, this belief reached its peak at 60% since 1977. For the first time since that July (aka the infamous SCOTUS ruling on sodomy), it is now back up near 60%. This is awesome!

Since the beginning, I have said that the gay rights equality movement is the next civil rights movement. The fight is just getting warmed up too. Women did not get the right to vote overnight. Blacks were not considered full citizens and granted true equality for over 100 years. Gays, with their dominant presence everywhere, have no where to go but up. And up they'll go quite quickly.

The one sad part of the poll shows that 53% of Americans believe that gay marriage should not be valid. A note on this question says:

It should be noted that this gay-marriage question follows a number of questions about homosexual rights in Gallup's Values and Beliefs survey. When the same question is asked in other Gallup surveys that do not include such questions, a lower level of support for gay marriage is usually found.

So, the gay lifestyle is becoming more acceptable and more people believe that gays should have the same job opportunities as others but they are not okay with them getting hitched. Hmmm...

However, looking at the numbers, there is a definite trend. The more accepting of the gay lifestyle people are, the more likely they are to be supportive of gay marriage.

I think this trend has a lot to do with the rise of popular and accepted gay culture. Will & Grace helped start it and made gay people almost seem normal (shock and awe). The coming out of many prominent people--celebrities, politicians, sports stars--has not only forced us to recognize that gay people exist, it has also allowed us to have an open and respectable dialogue about the importance of true equality.

GLBT citizens are business leaders, parents, sons & daughters, PTA Presidents, legislators, Mayors, religious leaders, neighbors, doctors, friends, teachers and policemen. In short, they are exactly the same as us straight people.

And they deserve all the same rights that we enjoy.

For all the Gallup numbers, go here.

Unconditional Love

I have often wondered if my mother's annoyance with me only having gay friends is based upon the fact she thinks her grandkid will become gay if she hangs out with them enough. Of course, this is only speculation on my part.

I also wonder what I would do IF my kid realized one day that she was gay.

It's easy for us to have friends who are gay or to be especially ecstatic that our new, next-door neighbors are a gay couple (there goes the gayborhood!) or to be able to say that our uncle/brother/niece is gay.

And while I don't know what it's like to be gay, I also don't know what it's like to be a gay parent. I see many different kinds of parents to my gay friends: the ones who completely disregard the fact that they have a gay son; the ones who knew even before he did and while they may be a tad uncomfortable with it, they're still there for him; the ones who don't even speak about it and pray that it (and he) will just go away; and the ones who just accepted it like it was no biggie and moved on.

To me, I don't see it as a big deal. Being gay is just who a person is and that person (and those around them) can either let it completely define who they are or just let it be.

To go as far as to hide the fact your child is gay and not accept it at all to me is unforgivable. One of my friends leads a double life. He lives a completely gay lifestyle and everyone knows about it--except his family. His mother and eldest brother both know that he's gay (just not to what extent). Yet, his mother refuses to believe it and absolutely abhors it; his brother is completely fine with it.

I love this story I read in the NY Times last week. The idea that one's parents could be so completely okay with having a gay child really isn't that unthinkable.

To quote the story:

That night, when his mother got home from work, she stuck her head in his room to say hi. “I said, ‘Ma, I need to talk to you about something, I’m gay.’ She said, ‘O.K., anything else?’ ‘No, but I just told you I’m gay.’ ‘O.K., that’s fine, we still love you.’ I said, ‘That’s it?’ I was preparing for this really dramatic moment.”

We have parents to raise us, to help us in our lives when things get tough, to teach us, and to love us--unconditionally. To think that there are parents who would stop loving their child because of who they are is just so stupid.

The story of the O'Connors is not a unique one I am sure. It makes me happy and optimistic for the future of our society and the Future Gays of America (FGOA).

The Mainstream of Gay

I find it interesting how more and more popular TV shows and movies (except for Superman) have openly gay characters.

And they are not characters like "Just Jack" from Will & Grace. And, they are not the major characters in the show (like Will and Jack in Will & Grace).

They are supporting characters with pivotal roles and their gayness is not thrown in your face.

For example, on one of my new favorite shows What About Brian? (a great show about a 30-something group of friends. I want a group of friends like them), Meredith Baxter guest-starred in last week's episode playing the lesbian mother of one of the friends. Now, she didn't "look" or talk like a lesbian. And she wasn't overt about mentioning her homosexuality.

She just casually mentioned her partner, Linda and that was that.

Does this mean that gays are becoming more accepted in our society? Does it mean that people are actually OKAY with the gays (shock & awe!)?

As I think about the past ten years of my life, I realize that ten years ago, being gay was not very accepted. And let's not even mention what it was like when I was in high school...

It's interesting to note how far we've come.

Sundance Review: For the Bible Tells Me So

As part of my duties as the Community Events chair for the Utah HRC committee, I planned a free screening of the Sundance film, "For the Bible Tells Me So" this afternoon. It was a documentary that centered around the Right Reverend Gene Robinson and what exactly the Bible says about homosexuality. It chronicled the lives of four gay people and their very religious families, including Congressman Gephart and his daughter Chrissy.

It was a very touching film that talked about all aspects of how the religious right uses the Bible as a defense for their homophobia. One woman told the story of her lesbian daughter who committed suicide when she was only 30-years-old because she had refused to even talk to her after she came out. She exclaimed that she did not want her daughter's death to be in vain and has now become very active PLFAG and Soulforce.

The director interviewed multiple religious pastors regarding exactly what the Bible says about the subject and the overwhelming response was, "Although the Bible may say those words, that is not what they mean." You see, the cultural and literary meanings have changed SO much since the Bible was written that it is very common for many to interpret it the way they want--and only their way. It even delves into the true story of Sodom & Gomorrah.

As I was watching the parents in the film, I began to think how any parent could possibly stop loving their child simply because they disagree with their lifestyle. Even the most religious parents--while they disagreed with homosexuality--still expressed their deep love for their child even though their Bible tells them it is wrong. I just don't understand how one can stop loving their child.

I've always asserted that Jesus does not hate gay people as many religious zealots claim. The Jesus I believe in loves all of his children. The Jesus I believe in wouldn't treat any of his children--gay or straight--the way many gay people are treated. I am certain that He, like the parents in this film, ache and anguish for how their gay children are treated. It breaks my heart too.

If you live somewhere in Utah, go see this film before Sundance is over. If not, make sure you see it when it comes out later this year. You won't regret the $8 to $10 you will spend, I guarantee it.

On how not to offend a prominent, wealthy lesbian in her own home

When she says, "You know, with all of those children of his, one of them is bound to be gay."

Do NOT reply, "But all his children are girls!"

Because she will say, "And, your point is what, Megan? Girls can't be gay?"

And I proceeded to take my foot out of my mouth...

Gay Cars: Some questions

Why is it that a majority of gay men either drive Honda's or Volkswagen?

Are owning these cars requirements of being gay?

Is there something spectacularly gay about these cars? If so, what is it?

And, please. Do indulge me.

So, like, I totally meant to do this on Wednesday, but I like totally didn't have any time and totally forgot until right now. I swear.

Wednesday, October 11th was National Coming Out Day. One thing I've always believed that one should be true to themselves and the ones they love and just be who they are. I understand the anguish and heartache that acknowledging your sexuality and being comfortable enough to express it has on people. I see it everyday.

As a straight person, I will never be faced with the hatred spewed by homophobic bigots. But I will, until the day I die, advocate for equal rights for all people regardless of their sexual orientation.

A few years ago here in Utah, the citizens of this state passed a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. Now mind you, there were already THREE laws passed forbidding same-sex marriage in Utah but still, a constitutional amendment was deemed necessary to "keep the gays in their place." During the campaign against the amendment, many community leaders said that they best thing we can do to combat the amendment was to simply come out. Gay people should come out to their families. Straight people should come out as allies. This simple act of letting people know who you really are or what you really believe in would do much more than anything else could.

So, to celebrate this year's National Coming Out Day & National Coming Out Month, here are two things you can do to help bring equality to all.

Write a letter asking Congress to repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Although I would hate it if Jesse or Brian went off to fight in any war, having them fight in an unjust one would be even worse. Mind you, this is going against my complete pacifist beliefs but this is one area where the inequity is too huge to ignore.

Download and share HRC's "A Straight Guide to GLBT Americans." I know. It's scary to talk about gay people like they actually exist but the fact is, they do exist and they are real people. They are not scary (except for the drag queens *shudder*). But, here's a guide to give to people who don't know as many gay people as I do. I hear there are some home decorating and fashion tips in the appendix. ;)

Why?

I often get asked why I have so many gay friends and I've answered that previously.

But, as a straight person, I often get questioned why I am such a strong advocate for gay equality. To me, it's a basic principle of human decency and fairness. As a Democrat, I am constantly fight for the underdog and part of me will always "fight the good fight."

I've done many things to further the equality of my gay friends here in Utah.

When I ran for my current position, I spoke to a group of "gay activists." I ran through my list of things I had done and paused before going on. I looked over at Jesse who had accompanied me to the meeting for moral support and finished, saying, "I haven't done all these things for glory or to get your support. I've done them because if I had made the choice to give up my daughter for adoption, I'd want it to be a same-sex couple. To me, it's not fair that my best friends (pointing to Jesse) do not have the same rights as me."

As I spoke, I began to cry and continued, "My friends are not bad people. They, like everyone here, would be great parents and deserve that--no matter who they are or who they love."

I looked around the room and saw tears in the eyes of so many people I care about who have been treated with disgust because of their sexual orientation. And that hurts me.

Gay people are not bad people.

Why do I do it? Why do I fight a fight that will go on for many years?

Simple: It's for her. When she looks at one of my boys she doesn't see an evil person, she sees a man who loves her and she loves them. I want her to grow up in a world that does not hate a group of people because of who they are.

If only the entire world saw things the way we do

Usually, I wouldn't post a whole article word for word without adding my two cents but I thought that this just says everything.

Gay or straight, it's love and commitment that count
By Kim Clark

My wife and I took our lesbian daughter to see "Brokeback Mountain" Friday night. Sorry to disappoint the moral purists, but we had a wonderful evening.

A poignantly moving but genuinely sad story of two men who, by following society's advice, did what was, for them, unnatural. Their wives were "sexy" enough, that was not the problem. The problem was that they pursued a path that was at variance with their natural order.

With predictable certainty, these men soon discovered that society's idea of "normal" was, for them, abnormal. (You can walk an errant path for only so long - nature has a way of re-establishing homeostasis.)

While I do not comprehend same-sex attraction, I do know something of unconditional love. So do my children, two of whom are gay. Embracing each other's differences is a principal reason love and acceptance permeate our home. Harmony amid diversity - imagine that!

For anyone to see only "sex" in homosexuality is to evidence a shamefully ametropic understanding of an important subject. Yes, these cowboys were sexually active, but the orgasmic realm is not where one finds the soul. With that in mind, their love and commitment is no different than the heterosexual love and commitment I have for my wife. The only difference, perhaps, is that society voiced no objections when 30 years ago we agreed to marry.

On March 24, 2004, molecular biologist William Bradshaw of Brigham Young University announced that "Biology absolutely has a role in causing homosexuality." Bradshaw's research showed what many of his gay students had been telling him all along: "Homosexuality is not a lifestyle [we] chose."

Furthermore, "therapy, psychoanalysis, hypnosis . . . and religious group therapy" had very little lasting impact in "correcting" their behavior. The good professor concluded that "it is virtually impossible for these people to change their orientation."

In other words, to expect them to change is as unnatural and unrealistic as it is insensitive and unkind. But the implications of his research are staggering. To accept Bradshaw's findings would require that we see diverse sexual orientation as something natural after all! And if natural, then nature's architect is "Himself" accepting of such diversity.

Finally, to Larry Miller: Larry, if and when the day arrives (if it has not already) that someone close to you announces their homosexuality, instead of expressing contempt, I invite you to watch with them "Brokeback Mountain." I am certain that those same tears your big heart is known to shed for the likes of Stockton, Malone, and the Sloans will again find their way to the surface.

But even more rewarding, Larry, will be the transcendent moment when cold judgment gives way to unconditional love.
---
Kim Clark is an optometric physician with private practices in Holladay and Sandy. He and wife, Cindy, are the parents of "four wonderful people."

The happiest gayest place on earth?

Christmas in Disneyland. Two words.

Never again.

While we were there, they closed Disneyland two days in a row at 11 am because they were full. Yes, that's right, Disneyland was full and they didn't let any more people in. I didn't think they did that!!!

Luckily, we had gone on all the rides we wanted to in the days previous to that.

The one thing I enjoyed about this visit was that I was able to truly take in all of Disneyland. I took in all the sights, scents and goings-on. I only took about 50 real pictures but thousands of mental ones.

I'm a detail freak. No project I take on is ever completed haphazardly. Details, details, details!
While at Disneyland, I noticed the distinct detail of the park. In every land, every building, every ride, every nook & cranny, no detail was forgotten. For example, while waiting in line for the Star Tours ride, I noticed that in every inch of open space, there was the detail to make you feel like you were really getting ready to board a spacecraft to Endor. While most parks would have used every inch of space for the ride or line or even just painted a white wall, the folks at Disney made the area look like it was a part of that land/era, etc. The wait in line was just as much a part of the ride as the actual ride itself. It's really quite amazing.

Does that make any sense?

So, I'm convinced that only gay men designed/decorated the world of the Mouse. I mean, seriously, who else could do that? (Oh, and you should have seen New Orleans Square decorated for Christmas. It looked like a drag queen exploded!)

I also noticed something that marked a very sad commentary on our culture. While waiting in line for Pirates of the Caribbean, I noticed a cute gay couple with their kids. The kids acted like any other kids--the older sister poked her younger brother until he started to cry and she just rolled her eyes when he told one of their dads. How do I know they were gay, you ask? Oh, please. My gaydar has only failed me once. I could just tell. Maybe it was the murses (man-purses) or the stylish hairdos. Or maybe it was the way they carried themselves. Some men, you know, just SCREAM gay.

But, it wasn't because they were holding hands or showing any kind of public displays of affection towards each other. Because they weren't. At all. And that got me thinking.

I started looking for other gay couples. I saw a few. One lesbian couple was holding hands as they walked through Frontierland. But they were the only gay couple I saw showing any PDA towards each other. All the others seemed very hesitant to let the other patrons of Disneyland know that they were gay. That made me sad.

I've said this before. I'll never know the ridicule and teasing and name-calling and hell every gay person has gone through. And sure, if the gay dads were holding hands, they would have received some double-takes, dirty stares, and loud whispers of "gross." I understand that they would rather not have any of that for themselves and their children.

But to live in a culture where you are made uncomfortable for being yourself and showing affection towards the one you love is a culture I just don't understand.

So, I'm moving to England!

Just kidding.

Seriously though, why is it ok for a straight (ugly) couple to make out in the line for the Matterhorn but not for two men to hold hands as they walk through the park? I mean, personally, I'd much rather watch two guys make out than the couple I had to watch (because they were in front of me). Am I right? C'mon! Who's with me?!

If the gay couple showed that much affection in front of hundreds of people, they would get all kinds of looks of disgust and someone would probably say something derogatory to them. But the straight couple didn't get any of that.

Forget gay marriage. How long will it take until people don't flinch when they see two men holding hands or kissing in public? For the longest time, Jesse and Brian would not hold hands as they walked down the street together. One time, when Jesse and I were in Boston, we were holding hands as we walked through the mall and he said, "You know, people aren't looking at us. But I guarantee that if I was holding hands with Brian, people would certainly be staring. I am hesitant to hold his hand in public because of that. I know it's stupid but it's such a hard thing to overcome."

Months later, the three of us were walking down the street and they were holding hands. Some straight guy walked past, saw them, stopped, looked again and said, "Dude! All right! Way to go! That's awesome!" To which Jesse and Brian replied, "Er, thanks."

Then, we laughed. "Dude! It's awesome that you're gay! Right on!"

Oh, and the Prince Charmings; gay!

Happy New Years. May you be as drunk or more drunk than me and be with all those you (heart). See you all next year!

Which kind of gay are you?

A recent post lists the different types of gays. So, in case you don't know which kind you are, click here to find out.

Let me know which one you are!

One boy, one girl

This is a previous post from my other blog. I apologize to those of you who have already read it. I feel that it fits better with this blog. Enjoy...

I was asked yesterday in a job interview what my greatest accomplishment was. My answer was a little cheesy and I only half-heartedly believed it.

Until yesterday afternoon.

My answer was, "My kid. And watching her learn and grow and become a better person." Now, when I said this, I was really only trying to sound deep and meaningful. I didn't really believe it.

Then, we went swimming. And we started talking about girls and boys.

Now, last week, she got on this kick that Jesse and Brian are brothers. Her reasoning: "Because they live together." When I told that they were not brothers, she said, "OK, they are cousins then." Still no, I said.

But yesterday, she had a breakthrough. I'm not sure how we got on the subject. I think Scott and I were talking about Nathan or something. She kept saying that it was "disgusting for two boys and two girls" to be together. I kept asking her why she thought so. Her answer: "I don't know."

Scott and I kept pressing into her that it's ok for 2 boys to love each other and be boyfriends. "What about 2 girls?" she inquired. That's ok too, I assured her, as is a boy and a girl.

Then I called Scott gay (which he is!). She asked what "gay" meant. I told her that it was 2 boys or 2 girls that are boyfriends or girlfriends. "EW!" she exclaimed. No, it's not, I told her, again. Scott and I proceeded to explain everything all over again. I ended the conversation with, "It's ok for 2 boys to be boyfriends, right? That means gay. And gay is okay, right?"

"YES!" she cried in exasperation (mostly because I kept saying it).

Then she said, "Well mom, if 2 girls like each other then you are gay too! You have friends who are girls so they are your girlfriends!" She later told Nathan and Brady, "My mom is gay!"

Oi vey!

Now, I still have some progress to make, I know. I do have 5 years of my mother's teachings to erase. But she finally understood that it's ok for 2 boys to be boyfriends. She realized that these men, who she loves dearly, love each other and that's normal.

I feel like I accomplished something great with her. She understands and accepts, at the young age of 6, what millions of other people feel is immoral and wrong. To her, there is nothing wrong with my gay boyfriends. To her, they are good people; ones she looks up to and has fun with. She has no judgments against them because of their sexual orientation. To her, they are: Jesse--the fun one (and favorite), Brian--the smart one, Scott--the skinny one, Brady--the one who swims, Adam--the weird one (which he is) and Shawn--the other one. They are my friends. And hers. She constantly begs for one of them to come over or for us to go visit them. Sometimes, she'd rather hang out with them instead of her own little friends.

One boy and one boy is ok.

I'm happy they are in our lives (mostly the first 3 on my list above). They have made both of us better people.

But one boy, and one girl boy, two hearts beating wildly.
To put it mildly, it was love at first sight.
He smiled, she he smiled, and they knew right away
that this was the day they'd waited for all their lives.
And for a moment the whole world
revolved around one boy and one girl boy.
"One Boy, One Girl Boy" Colin Raye

Being gay is a-okay

I'll never understand the bigotry my gay boyfriends must deal with throughout their lives. I'll never know the pain and suffering they have gone through--the anguished, suicidal thoughts or beliefs they were going to hell. For most of them, coming out was a serious, life-changing experience. Some suffered, some did not. Some have physical scars, most have emotional ones. Some had it easier than others.

However, the one thing they all have in common is the desire for their sexual orientation to not define who they are.

When I first met Jesse, we jokingly introduced ourselves as "Jesse, I'm gay" or "Megan, I'm a single mom." Of course, we are both more than those initial labels we received.

This email Andrew Sullivan received is a great commentary about the new gay culture in our society. No longer is being gay taboo or looked down upon. Well, at least, not as much as it used to be. I sometimes joke that everyone is coming out just because it is the popular thing to do these days. (Didn't you get the memo?)

This email, though, could be from any of my boys. It sounds exactly like something Jesse would write.

So, while I'll never know the torture they have been put through--whether it be from themselves, their families, or complete strangers--I know that can help teach future generations that "being gay is a-okay."