Happy Ferris Wheel Day! And to the New Mexicans, Happy Extraterrestrial Culture Day!

It's not that I hate despise loathe Valentine's Day, it's that I don't like people assuming and pointing out that I can only be happy if I'm in a relationship. I revel in my singleness. There is nothing wrong with being single. In fact, it's quite a blessing. I mean, I don't have to please anyone else. I get to choose for myself what movies to see and what to eat for dinner. I don't get in silly little arguments with someone about silly little things (except for the voices in my head, but that's another story...).

Anywho, today I bring you some of the best "Valentine's Day" posts from my blog world. Enjoy!

VD from Jeremiah
The Only Holiday Worse Than Valentine's is Easter
And then one day, you kissed me
A Valentine's Love Mix
Happy to be Single Josh
Hilarious podcast by Mr. & Mrs. Toad
Be SAD on Valentine's
Ryan's take on this "holiday"
The Origins of Love
World-O-Crap wishes you a Happy Bitterest Day!

And finally, Barack Obama Wished me a Happy Valentine's Day

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On the gays dating....girls

Yes, that's right, I said gays dating girls.

Yesterday, one of my boys informed me that he has a date tonight. With a girl.

I asked him how that was possible. He replied that it was girl from work who he gets along with quite well and she casually asked him if he wanted to hang out. Not wanting to be rude, he accepted her invitation to go on a double date with an old college roommate and her fiancee tonight.

A co-worker of my friend said that he thought it was cool he was finally going out with Kelly (the girl) because he could tell there was a chemistry between them. Baffled, I tried to tell him how he must tell this girl that he was gay; how wrong it was to lead her on believe that a long-term relationship could be a possibility.

"Aren't you gay anymore?" I asked while trying to suppress my laughter. (Suppressing it didn't last long).

He told me no but that he found the whole gay dating scene to be quite annoying. This lead us into a deeper discussion about gay men and relationships (or lack thereof) and why so many gay men have whorish tendencies and thus the inability to have long-lasting gay relationships. I certainly don't know the answer as many of my closest gay friends are the exception rather than the norm in gay society.

In short, my friend is playing this girl. As one who feels the need to protect those of my gender who have no gaydar (and seriously, I have no idea how she can't tell he's gay), I tried to convince my friend that it was wrong to pursue this. As much as he despises the games gay men play, the mindless sex, the chat rooms, the insecurities and flamboyancy many gay men have, he can't just not be gay because he doesn't like those aspects of the culture. There are many things I do not like about the Marman church but because it is a part of my culture and heritage, it will always be a part of me and a part of the person I am today. (I like to think that it is the cause of me being a liberal Democrat).

Virtually every single gay man that I know has dated, kissed, had sex with, or made out with a female at one time in his life. And every single one has told me the reason for this is because it was the norm--they were ashamed to be gay and some even thought that if they dated girls, they would become straight.

In today's culture, "gay" surrounds us. On TV, in movies, at the coffeeshops, in our elected officials, in business leaders--hell, even fashion is becoming more and more gay! I wonder how many young 14 and 16-year-olds are coming out at earlier ages because it is "cool" to be gay even though they may not really be gay. While being gay is becoming more and more accepted in today's culture, I believe that there is still a subversive and underlying belief that being gay is strange and even wrong. I think the downfall of a culture begins when it's own members begin to back away from it and start degenerating others in that culture and the culture itself (like gay men dating women even though they've been 'out' for a few years and even have the ex-boyfriends to prove it).

This post has turned into an unexpected comment of one of the weird aspects of gay culture. All I wanted to write about was my gay friend dating a girl. I found it amusing last night but now, I feel kinda sad.

Sad, because of what he perceives himself to be and sad because what he perceives the entire gay culture to be. He hates it (and maybe even himself) so much, that he's willing to sacrifice being his true self and happiness to something he is not and never will be.

Proof that gay couples really aren't that different from straight couples.

Last week, I week to lunch with my friend Anne and her boyfriend Paul in from NYC for the holidays. It was good to catch up and chat like old times.

At the end of our lunch, Anne and Paul had the following conversation:

Anne: Oh shit! I forgot to make room on the Tivo before we left! It's going to erase some stuff because there's so much on there.

Paul: It's okay--as long as none of my shows get deleted.

Anne: Well actually, I think I may have accidentally deleted your "Battlestar Galactica" a few weeks ago.

Paul: WHAT!? Why did you do that?! I haven't watched any of the episodes yet!

Anne: Well, I didn't think you watched it. You told me once that you probably would never watch it so I figured it would be okay if I deleted it.

Paul: No, I said that I would watch it, just not right away.

Anne: Well, maybe I didn't delete it; I'm really not sure.

I realized that this conversation was much like the conversations I've overheard the Nicholls-Nix household have many times about television, "Battlestar Galactica" and their DVR.

If I were an attorney arguing how gays are just like the straights I'd totally win.

Somebody to Love

I realized last night as I was helping a member of my gaggle through a break-up that I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about the relationships of said gaggle.

Now, this could mean one of three things.

First, I care.

Second, I really need to find something else to occupy my time. (However, usually these thoughts occur when I'm doing everyday mundane things like showering, getting dressed, and eating--A LOT during eating).

Or third, I need to find a relationship of my own.

Discuss.

Reasons gay couples annoy me

1. If I buy a concert ticket for one half of a couple for his birthday, do I have to buy the other a ticket as well? I'm having a hard time with this one. I have no problem buying two tickets--one for me and one for my friend. But do I have to buy a ticket for his partner? One part of the couple doesn't really care for concerts and so I don't necessarily want to buy a ticket for him yet I feel that I should buy a ticket for each of them so we all can go together. But it's only one person's birthday and I don't want to buy his partner a ticket on HIS birthday.

2. Why is it necessary to ignore your old friends when in a relationship? You see, I know this one guy who has this tendency to ditch his close friend when he begins dating a new guy. Now normally, I wouldn't have an issue with this except that it keeps happening with absolutely no explanation. I just don't understand this because when on of my girl friends begins dating a new guy, she doesn't shut her friends out and begin solely hanging out with her new guy. I think it's just the incessant desire of a gay man to be in a relationship that causes this.

3. How is it okay for gay couples to have open relationships but not straight couples? I don't get why it's okay and even accepted in the gay world to have multiple partners in a relationship. If a straight couple were to have this kind of open relationship, it would be frowned upon, no? And what's up with gay couples going to "sex parties" (or other parties like them)? How weird is this and why would anyone go to one of these (especially if you are a well-known public official)? But if a straight couple were in an open relationship, society would definitely look down upon you.

4. Why is it necessary for you to tell me what sickeningly sweet text messages your boyfriend is sending to you while we are chatting on IM? Okay, so you both think each other is cute and you love each other to no end, yadda yadda yadda. But really, it makes me barf.

5. Why is there so much jealousy and no communication in gay relationships? Why won't gays talk about their past relationships with their current boyfriend? What are you hiding? If you can't be completely open and honest in your relationship, it will fail. On the other hand, you can't always be jealous an think he's hiding something from you. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E!

Bitter? You bet! Thoroughly annoyed? Of course!

Stereotypes are true

Otherwise, they wouldn't be stereotypes, right?

One of the many stereotypes of gay men is that they are, to put it simply, sluts. And yet, this stereotype wouldn't exist if there wasn't some truth to it.

I was talking to an old friend of mine about a mutual acquaintance of ours yesterday. I mentioned that this acquaintance had a boyfriend that he'd been dating for over a year now. My friend asked if things were going well between them and I said, "I guess. Except for the whole sleeping with other men thing." My friend asked me what I meant.

I told him that this guy would 'cheat' on his boyfriend whenever he went out of town. And, he would get mad at his boyfriend if he didn't call him when he was out of town and would assume that him not calling meant he was with another guy.

I remarked that that kind of behavior and relationship was just odd to me. Here our friend was in a relationship but was still acting like he was single. He sees absolutely no problem in screwing around with other guys but gets insanely jealous when his boyfriend hangs out with his ex.

I don't understand this behavior at all and I even began questioning my friendship with this person. None of my other friends are like this or could even fathom being like this.

But why do some gay men see nothing wrong with sleeping around even if they are in relationships? If you don't want to labeled with the stereotype so many people think is true, stop perpetuating the stereotype!

I should have just let him get the bucket.

Last Friday was Jesse's birthday. I asked Brian what he wanted to do and as usual he had no ideas. Brian, you see, is a straight man in a gay man's body. He doesn't think like a typical gay man as far as creativity, being romantic, etc. I mean he tries, really he does. But I should have remembered Jesse's birthday two years ago.

When I asked Brian what he was getting Jesse for his birthday, I got really excited. To my dismay, however, it wasn't as big as I thought it was.

Me, being me, wanted to help Brian to ensure that what he had planned for Jesse was special and memorable. I asked him what he was thinking of doing. He initially said, "Well, I thought you could keep him distracted while he cleaned the house and made a nice dinner."

I couldn't let him do just that. So I helped him think of something fun and special to do that didn't cost a lot of money.

My thought was to go on a nice picnic and told him I'd figure out what they could have to eat (because sandwiches just aren't special enough). I came up with something easy and nice: chicken, corn on the cob, macaroni salad, and dessert.

When I told Brian my idea, he said, "I'll just get a bucket of chicken from KFC."

Riiiight. That's romantic. I didn't know that a bucket of greasy chicken was symbolic of love. "I love you so much, here's a gift expressing that love. Oh, and a bucket of chicken made with the Colonel's 15 herbs and spices."

So, I made the food for them. And I thought that Brian had planned for a nice, romantic evening. But then, I should have realized that it was Brian and since he acts more like a straight man when it comes to such things, something would happen to make it, oh, "not so much."

And I was right.

As Brian and I were planning on what he should do (and not do), I jokingly said, "You could use the silver fortune cookie (in reference to presenting Jesse with his gift)!" The key word in that last sentence was JOKINGLY in case you didn't get it. Brian apparently didn't and used it anyway.

I figured that Brian would think of the small details and I shouldn't tell him how to do the entire thing. Again, I was wrong. Instead of going on a hike and looking at the stars through the telescope, he just found a crowded picnic area, gave Jesse his gift, then took him to a movie. A cheesy cartoon movie. At the budget theatre. That cost $1.50.

What could have been a romantic and special event turned out to be less than spectacular as you can read on Jesse's blog.

I should have just let him buy the bucket of chicken.

God hasn't forsaken you, despite what they tell you.

Last Saturday, Jesse and I attended the 2nd Annual HRC Utah Gala. (For pictures of us at the event, go here). It was quite fun (except for no dancing *sigh*). We had so much fun last year that we decided that we must go again at any cost. Lucky for us, we have great friends who paid for us to go.

The speaker this year was The Right Reverend Gene Robinson. During the VIP reception (which, Jesse and I attended, of course), the Reverend introduced himself to everyone who was there. We thought it was very nice of him to take the time after a long flight and talk personally with all the guests. Jesse and I also noticed that he took the time to say hello to every volunteer. You know you've met a true Christ-like person when he or she says, "Oh no, the honor is all mine," when you say, "It's an honor to meet you" and you know they truly mean it.

Reverend Robinson spoke about his faith and his homosexuality and how the two go hand-in-hand. He is not ashamed of being gay nor is he ashamed of being a religious person. It's possible to be both, he exclaimed, even though the other side says you can't.

I didn't think too much about his speech as I am a Christian and my church is one of the few that sanctions and performs gay commitment ceremonies. I believe that gay couples should be allowed to marry as gay relationships are just as sacred and loving as straight ones. In my mind, there is no difference because marriage is not about gender, it's about love.

As I was standing line for coffee after dinner, I was talking to a woman (who was a tad drunk) about how she enjoyed the evening. She said that everything was fun until the "religious speech." She did not like the fact that the Reverend "flung his religion on the rest of us." I was confused by her comments because that's not how I interpreted his speech at all. He talked about love, understanding, and compassion and how that relates to religion and the gay equality movement.

Contrary to popular belief, you can be a religious person (Christian even) and openly gay (or gay-loving). I know. Shock and awe!

I think that, in Utah, there is more intolerance of religions among the gays, due in part largely to the LDS Church. So many openly gay people are former Mormons, and have been spurned by friends, family and neighbors just because of who they are. While I'll never know what a gay person goes through when coming out and leaving the Church, and I was ostracized from the Mormon Church as well, I will never understand how people who claim to be "Christian" are anything but.

When you come out of the closet, does the handbook you are given say that you have to stop believing on God? I mean, just because you are gay doesn't mean you have to stop believing in Jesus.

Being gay doesn't define Rev. Robinson. Being a Man of God does. He has extraordinarily resolved the supposed conflict between the two and found happiness and strength.

A while ago, I came across this website. I read with interest the various passages from Mormon doctrine that people believe proves the case for the LDS church to accept and believe in gay marriage. While it doesn't change my views on the Church, it may help others.

God doesn't stop loving one of his children simply because of who he or she chooses to love. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not a true Christian at all.

On being the 3rd, or 5th, or even 7th wheel

I like being single. I like the freedom I have of not having to constantly be with a partner. I like the independence of not worrying about the feelings of someone else.

Oh, and I'm afraid of commitment.

This being said, there are often times my singleness is greatly emphasized. And I hate it.

This usually happens when hanging out with my boys. And it usually doesn't bother me unless I constantly think about it like I tend to do with things. Brian and Jesse are partners, and Scott is currently dating. Right there, I have 2 couples to deal with.

I don't get into too awkward situations usually where I feel severely uncomfortable. For example, last Monday, Brian, Jesse and I went out to eat at a fancyish restaurant and then a movie. The three of us have gone out many times and we have a lot of fun. There was a time when I was a regular staple at the Nicholls-Nix household. So much so that Brian joked that I was there more often than he was. At their new house, I don't even bother knocking, I just walk right in like I live there too. (I feel I deserve it because of my hard work, sweat, and burnt arm.) (Subliminal message: I need a new iPod.)

Anyway, as I was saying, sometimes, being the 3rd (or 5th or 7th) wheel just isn't a big deal.

Unless, it's emphasized by another person.

This happened on Saturday. After a fun day at the air show with Jesse and his friend Sara, Jesse invited me, Scott, and Ken over to their house for dinner and board games. Russell and Jennie were there as well so we knew we'd have fun.

Jesse wanted to play Cranium and since teams are needed for this, it was blatantly obvious that I was the "odd man out." Jesse suggested I call Melissa to invite her so I wouldn't be left out. I told him just to take me home if it was that big of a deal to him. He protested that it wasn't and away we went.

Cutting it short, we ended up not playing Cranium but another game in which the teams were as follows:

• Russell & Jennie
• Brian & Jesse
• Scott, Ken, & Me

I did feel like the 7th wheel. And I hate it. I feel like I am the poor single friend they invited to hang out with them cause they feel sorry for them or that I'm a drag and they only hang out with out of pity.

*Suggestion* When playing games with friends, if teams are needed, don't make couples automatic teams. I know this upsets some very much (so much they get pissy and ask everyone to leave) but it's only nice and fair. I mean, why do the couples ALWAYS have to be teammates?

On being Mama's boys (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I don't know if this is something that is true of all gay men, or just mine in general, but they are serious mama's boys.

Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this. But I wonder if being close to their mothers is a factor in them being gay.

I guess it just intrigues me because I am not close to my mother at all and even think it's mildly strange the closeness my boys have with their moms.

Jesse & Brian talk to their mothers on the phone daily. Sometimes, for hours. This last weekend, Brian's mom was visiting and he was very sick. I teased him that it was good she was there since he was sick but it was very sweet to see her holding his hand and rubbing his forehead as he was lying on the couch.

Adam is very close to his mother and grandmother and talks to both multiple times throughout the week. He tells his mother almost everything and can just talk to her about anything. I keep many things from my mother and could never imagine being so open about my life with her.

Even Brady is close to his mom--despite her literal disgust of his "chosen lifestyle." When she found out he was gay, she threatened to cut him off from everything and send to reparative therapy. Yet, especially since he's been in San Francisco, they seem to have bonded. She knows he's gay and she does not like it and they just don't talk about it, but they are still very close. During his recent visit, after she picked him up from the airport, they went shopping. For Mother's Day, they went to see "Hairspray." I wonder what it was like for this homophobic mother going to a Broadway show in which the lead character is a transvestite in conservative Utah with her openly gay son?

Then, there's Scott. He's so close to his mom, he just can't think of ever leaving her. (Actually, he just likes the free rent. I mean, who doesn't?!) They talk a lot but I think he's closer to his dad. However, he often jokes that his mom still breastfeeds him. I beginning to believe it's not a joke. (DISCLAIMER: It really is a joke.)

I read some gay boys' blogs and most of them seem to be quite close to their mothers. So really, is this common among gay men?

I wish I had that

Last Saturday, Brian was working at a Bride & Groom Expo selling cell phones. Jesse and I thought it would be fun to go to the Expo to begin planning their wedding.

At first we pretended that we were the ones getting married to each other. But we just weren't into it. At every booth, we were asked who was getting married. We began by saying that I was and Scott or Adam would pretend to be my groom. Weird. Eventually, we were just saying that Jesse was. No one really questioned things. One lady asked where his bride was and when Jesse replied, "There is no bride, only a groom. In fact, he's down there working," her reply was, "Oh you're pulling my leg."

I said, "No, actually he's not."

We found some other vendors who were not shocked by the thought of two men getting married to each other. The Pampered Chef lady was so fun and told us about a Commitment Expo being held soon (which we will be going to as well). We convinced one vendor to go over and "talk" Brian into being more committed to marrying Jesse and not only did she talk to him, she gave him a coupon for 50% off their pictures!

I think I'm more excited about them getting married than either one of them is and I keep telling people they are. (Don't be mad at me! I figure this way, Brian will give and agree to a fall wedding this year.)

I think I'm more excited because of my commitment phobia. I have no desire to get married at this point in time (much to my mother's dismay) and will be excited for them.

But I see their relationship and it makes me wish that I had what they have: a loving, caring relationship that has stood through good and bad and will be there forever. It's so sweet to watch them together and you just know by watching them that it's true love and they are meant to be together.

Whenever I hear this song, it reminds of their relationship so I had to put it here.

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles, all my fears dissolve in your affections.
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land.

You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together.
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in.
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe.

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it.
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day
"Push" by Sarah McLachlan

And so what if I'm a little cheesy. I deserve to be every now and then. I do (heart) my gays.

Well, here's a first

The other night, something happened that's never happened before.

One of my straight, married guy friends asked me for relationship advice.

(I know what you're saying, "You have straight male friends?!") (Yes, I do. But only like 3.)

As I was saying, he started the conversation by asking if I'd ever been married. I don't like loathe this question.

So I told him no and waited for the next part.

He told me that he and his wife are having marital problems. Every few weeks, she just leaves for days without telling him. She blames him, the fact that she never dated anyone besides him before getting married, and that she "needs to find herself."

It was such a touching conversation because I knew we had a good friendship but I didn't know it was that good. I was flattered and touched that he would share this with me. He said he felt silly but I said not to worry because I'm the one who always gets called (which I don't mind) by my boys when they are having guy troubles.

He explained that his wife was having an emotional affair with a professor of hers and he just doesn't know what else to do. After seeing two of my good friends deal with this same problem last year, I knew what he was going through. She doesn't think it's a big deal. Emotional affairs, I believe, are just as bad, if not worse than physical ones.

I told him that communication is the key to any successful relationship--whether it is romantic or friendship. He agreed but still just wasn't sure what to do.

The last thing he said to me was, "How do you talk to a person who says they haven't loved you for years?"

And it broke my heart.

Relationships, are scary things which is probably the reason I avoid them.

Breaking up is hard to do?

About 8 months ago, Scott broke up with his boyfriend. He told me recently that while they were having 'the break-up talk' this thought went through his head: "Well, at least now I can buy a laptop."

Funniest thing my kid said last night

Jesse and Brian graciously agreed to babysit for me last night. (I know, I'm exposing my child to a healthy, stable relationship. How awful am I? I truly am contributing to the downfall of society.)

The following is a snippet of our conversation on our way to their house:

"You should tell Brian about Disneyland. He loves it," I said.

"Brian's in love with Disneyland!!!" she exclaimed.

"No, he's in love with Jesse but he loves Disneyland."

She gives me a confused, funny look. "Oh yeah, I forgot they were gay."

Commitment

I received a call from one of my boys the other day. He was just checking in to see how I was and stuff. It was obvious he was feeling bored--mostly because his boyfriend wasn't at home.

He then started to tell me that things were not all good in Gayville.

Basically, both of them thought they were mutually exclusively dating each other at different times. My friend sooner and his bf later. So, while the bf thought they were not exclusive yet, he fucked around with some random guy (possibly twice) AND his ex.

My boy was obviously upset about this because he saw it as a breech of trust in their relationship. He just recently found out about this and ever since then, he has been wondering just how many other guys there were when the "exclusive-only" period was still in question. The bf, however, didn't see it as such a big deal.

This made me start wondering about my other boys and their relationships.

Now, I'm not one to comment on the importance of commitment. I will run as fast as I can from it. But there is something about gay commitment that I just don't understand.

It took me a while to figure out why having a relationship is so important to a gay man. They have gone their entire lives wanting to be accepted for who they are and they just ache to have someone love them.

Until things get hard.

Now, this is not true in every relationship I've seen, but it seems to be a common occurrence--when the going gets tough, they're outta there. I find that intriguing, to say the least.

Instead of trying to work things out and trying to figure out how to make things better, most gay boys don't bother to try. They just cut and run to next boy. Now, I realize that not every gay relationship is like that. But, I think for some, it just seems easier to not deal with things and leave while they still can. Why is this?

Why is it okay in gayland to 'cheat' on your significant other--whether you are exclusive or not or whether it's physical or not? Doesn't some kind of commitment mean anything?

Now, my friend's bf was quite unwilling to talk more about his indiscretions. He honestly didn't think that it was that big of a deal and my friend was really hurt. This brought up all kinds of questions. Can I still trust him? What if there were others he didn't tell me about? Should I stay with him? Why is he so unwilling to talk about it?

Communication, I have noticed, is the best thing in a relationship--gay or straight. But if one party is unwilling to communicate, or unwilling to talk about everything freely then how can anything be resolved?

Finally, why does a gay boy crave a relationship so much then leave when that relationship gets hard?

And why does losing a love hurt so much?

Gay Boyfriend, It doesn't really matter that you are queer!

Ioften wonder why I have so many gay boyfriends. I often joke that I know no straight men, but really, it's not a joke.

Usually, it never bothers me to only hang out with my gay boyfriends. I once gave up hanging out with them at Sundance one weekend to hang out with Anne and other girls. However, I ended up bonding with the gay boy at the party. It was sad.

But last Friday we went to see a movie. It was Jesse, Brian, Scott, Nathan, Josh, his friend Treven, and me. Now, this normally doesn't bother me. I mean, I go to movies with them all the time, right? Like the Saturday before, we went to see a movie and I was ok. But last Friday was different. For some reason, it just really bothered me. I'm not really sure why either. Was it because I was the only girl? No. I'm always the only girl.

The more I thought about it, the more I think it is because I feel like a fifth or third wheel at times. Usually, it is me, Jesse, and Brian. Sometimes, it is us and Scott and Nathan. Seeing anything yet? They are all couples. I am by myself. I often wonder if they just invite me along because they feel like they have to. I feel like I am imposing on a date of theirs or something.

And that's what it was on Friday. It was like the 6 of them were on a group date and here I was, the poor, little straight girl they feel obligated to be nice to. Now, I know that's not how it is. But
sometimes I wonder. Sigh.

I'm not really sure of my attraction to gay men. (Not that kind of attraction!) Maybe I just don't like mediocrity, I don't know. Then, this morning, I realized it. I have so much fun with my gay
boyfriends. Much more fun than I do with girls. Now, I would like a straight guy, so if any of y'all know any single, good looking ones, let me know!

But I am so comfortable around my gay friends. I don't have to worry about another girl being catty or jealous or doing any of the zillion mean things girls do to each other. And, the conversations I have with them are interesting, to say the least. For example, I go to this
Democratic Leadership breakfast on Tuesday mornings and Senator McCoy was there. He is on a diet because he and his partner, Mark, are going on a gay cruise this summer (which we HAVE to do Jesse!). I said that I have always wanted to go on a gay cruise but my girl friends
are always like, "Why?" My reply always is, "Hot, half-naked men on a boat at sea? HELLO! I don't care if they are gay, I just want to look!"

It is these kinds of conversations that I have that make my friendships so fun. It's fun to check out guys with Jesse. It's even more fun to check out guys with Brian! (hehe) But there is just something different and nice about doing this with guys than with girls. It's more fun and I feel more comfortable for some reason.

Besides, there are amazing perks to having only gay boyfriends. Endless fashion advice, craft buddies, hot dates, and no guys mess with me when we are out because I am surrounded by men!

Gay Love: God, How Annoying!

Brady got back from San Francisco this week and all he has talked about is his Jake!! Apparently, Jake is coming to visit in a few weeks and all Brady is doing is planning what to do. You could never tell that this is finals week and he still hasn't taken his Statistics final. It's, "I'm so excited to see Jake" or "What if he thinks I'm boring?" or "I need to go tanning at least 4 more times before he gets here."

OH MY GOD! Did I curse the Gods in a previous life? Is this my eternal sentence? I'd rather live with a 100 cats and watch soap operas all day. Well, not really. But, you get the idea.

Gay love. It's a funny thing. I always find it funny when one of my gay boyfriends has seen a guy once and they are totally in love with them or they are "dating." In my book, dating is going out with the same person more than 5 times--and sex doesn't count! But then, I have also learned that my definition of sex is completely different than a gay boys'. (Another post for another time.)

I never understood the constant desire for a gay boy to be in a relationship. Until one day, Brian, oh wise one, explained it to me.

He said, "All of our lives, we have struggled to be accepted for who we are. All we want is for someone to love us. And relationships give us that."

He is a wise one, that Yoda Brian. (Hot too! Much hotter than Jesse's current crush, GJ! hehe)

Brady feels he has to be perfect for Jake or he won't like him. I said, "If he's that shallow, you don't need him." I know, I told Brady he shouldn't settle for someone who is shallow. Oy vey!

But I pose this question to all of my gay boyfriends: "If Mr. Right doesn't accept who you are no matter what, is he really the one you want to be with?" It seems to me that with love, you have to be as accepting as much as you want to be accepted--gay or straight.

Like Sands Through the Hourglass, These are the Gays of My Life

Ah, where do I begin?

I have always known that having only gay boys as friends can becomplicated. There is always some kind of drama or crisis going on. "I don't like that one" or "He is mad at me" are words I hear often.

I have one gay boy, Brady, who does not like the others and purposefully avoids them at all costs. He is insanely jealous of Jesse, my best friend, and can never say anything nice.

Next is Scott the gayest boy you'll ever meet. He is sweet and cute and I always laugh hysterically when he is around. Not much to say about them. They are always busy with school or work. BOR-ING!!!

Brian and Jesse Nicholls-Nix or Nix-Nicholls (rolling my eyes) areprobably the least drama-free and most fun to be with. Brian often jokes that I spend more time at their house then he does. That's not totally true, but I can see how he would say that. I talk to Jesse almost every single day-on Instant Messanger, on the phone, or in person. So, there is little that Brian doesn't know. Sometimes this is good, sometimes it's bad. Either way, I go through these cycles where I think Brian hates me (even though he doesn't) and I hate him back(even though I don't).They have an interesting relationship. I know that they are meant to be together and they both want to spend the rest of their lives with each other. But sometimes I wonder. The running joke among all of us is, "Oh, look. Jesse and Brian are fighting again." They don't fight. They have disagreements over who killed the plant or who knows photoshop better.

I know they will be together for the rest of their lives. (If not, I have to clean up the puddle of Jesse. Don't do that to me Brian!)

Finally, Adam. Hmmm, what to say? What to say?

Oh my hell! Where do I begin! Out of all of them, Adam wins Miss DramaWorld Infinity. And I KNOW drama, I have a 5-year-old girl who I swearhas taken acting lessons from Sally Fields.

Anyway, Adam causes most, ok ALL, of the contention among all of us. For awhile, he was only talking to me (why, God, why?!). Now, he has slowly moved back into being "friends" with Brian and I'm not sure if Scott is talking to him yet. Something or someone is always bothering him. We can't talk about him because his feelings might get hurt orwhatever. Yet, he ALWAYS talks about others and ALWAYS says shit about them. He blames me for the problems we have, but that's his way of not taking responsibility for anything.

I know he is jealous of the friendship I have with Jesse. He resents me. But that wasn't my fault. He alienated himself from us on his own. So what if they all like me more? (Well, I am cuter, smarter, and funner than him. hehe) It gets annoying after awhile and we seem to go through these never-ending cycles with him. Today, he's not our friend. Tomorrow, he will be. And the day after that? Who the hell knows?

Well, this concludes my first post (let's hope it's not the last) of The Gays of My Life.

Stay tuned...