Why marriage matters.

In case you haven't heard about the NY Times Opinion Column today, here is the link.

It's the best argument for gay marriage there is. And really, how can you argue with it? If we go back to letting religious institutions decide who should and shouldn't get married, then no one can argue that gay marriage is the downfall of society anymore, right?

PS. I love that the author is a professor at Evergreen State College too! (Which, may mean nothing to a lot of people, but to me, it's just ironically hilarious.)

Are you with HRC--Hilary Rodham Clintion? Or, drinking with gays watching a gay debate having a gay old time.

For those who didn't know, the Democratic Presidential candidates participated in a forum last night sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign on the Logo (Gay) channel. They answered all sorts of questions that are important to the GLBT community. However, the "big" question concerning same-sex marriage is one that most of the candidates are against. It was frustrating to watch them, one after another, give their excuses for not supporting full equality.

Only the elf-like Kucinich and "old white man" (Melissa Etheridge's words not mine) Gravel are supportive of same-sex marriage. It was sad to see the other candidates "defend" their stances on this issue. To see each candidates views on all the GLBT issues, check out this nice fact sheet from HRC. (Hint: they all agree on everything--almost....BOR-ING!)

If you missed the debate, you can watch it here. Also, please forgive Gov. Richardson for he knows not what he says.

The highlight of my evening was not actually watching the debate but texting various people throughout its entirety including Darci who was sitting less than a foot away from me. Also, watching friends make out always make me giggle uncontrollably.

If I remember more after I sober up, I'll let'cha know!

Equality for All

The Constitution was written to protect the rights of the American people. The main charge of the Supreme Court (and all courts) is to uphold the Constitution and protect the citizens for which it was written. Throughout the history of our country, this document has been changed to ensure that every citizen has the full rights and protections as everyone else. In short, it provides for equality for all. Whenever an inequity among citizens has occurred, it has usually been rectified by the Constitution.

Our country has a long history of giving rights to everyone--it's the foundation for its creation. We also have a long history of excluding various groups from having full rights and equality. Whenever an inalienable right has been granted to the people, it has usually come from the Courts. This is mostly because the politicians in the Legislatures and Congress are afraid (for reasons we won’t discuss here) to stand up and make these policy changes the way our Founding Fathers wanted them to be set up.

Luckily for us, our Founding Fathers also saw the necessity to have a balance in government—a check on the three prongs of government by each other. This way, if one arm of government fails to protect its’ citizens, another one can jump right to ensure protection and equality for all.

Rome was not built in a day. And neither will the fight for true equality.

It may be uncomfortable for some to have the Constitutional fights in the court system rather than on the floor of Legislative bodies. But remember, the gay equality/marriage debate isn’t the first time this has happened.

Let’s look at the most forefront fights for equality so far: Civil rights for African-Americans.

While physical slavery was ended in 1865 by the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation, full and total equality for blacks did not occur until 100 years later with a slew of SCOTUS cases including, Loving v. Virginia and Brown v. Board of Education, etc. In a nutshell, the rulings in these cases paved the way for full equality for all Americans—no matter his or her skin color.

The same can be applied to the push for full equality in the gay rights movement today. In Loving v. Virginia, a white man married a black woman. This was deemed a crime in their state of Virginia and the two were charged. In Brown v. Board of Education it is shown that separate but equal facilities are unconstitutional.

Many in the gay rights movement claim that civil unions and other guises of marriage are the equivalent of separate but unequal status. In this recent New York Times editorial, the case is made that civil unions, although a step in the right direction, are an inadequate substitute for marriage.

I agree.

I do not discount the validity of the relationships of any of the gay couples I know; I know that they are committed to each other 100% and treat their relationship like a marriage, even though they are not legally wed. What I find annoying is the fact that, just because if I want to marry a man, I am able to go to the clerk’s office and sign a piece of paper granting the same rights and protections couples around the world share. For gay couples, it is a bit more difficult. They have to go to an attorney to create these papers. Although it’s a relatively minor step, it’s a step that I do not have to take. (And even with these papers, there is no guarantee these rights will be upheld by an attending doctor or probate judge).

Gay marriage is the most important ideal for the gay equality movement. For better or for worse, marriage is a social status and denying gay people this fundamental right is more than "just a piece of paper." (Hat tip: Adam). Even gay couples in long-term, committed relationships have their own kind of "marriage" to solidify this fact. If gay marriage is not so important to all gay couples, then why propose? Why hold a ceremony? Why wear rings? It is symbolic and an ideal they strive for daily. In short, it's equal.

The legal system is the only way to achieve full equality for all. Only with everyone having the right to marry who they want, no matter their gender, will these rights be full and true and unable to be stripped of meaning. The legislative branch is not going to step up and the executive branch can only do so much. It’s up to the Courts to decide this as they have a history of protecting the rights of all.

"Equal justice is not just a caption on the facade of the Supreme Court building. It is perhaps the most inspiring ideal of our society...It is fundamental that justice should be the same..." Justice Lewis Powell, Jr., Former Associate Justice, U.S. Supreme Court

This I believe is true (or why gays should be allowed to marry)

I have a secret to tell you.

I am not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

But I have been a gay activist for over 4 years now. I have fought for complete equality for all Americans because I believe in decency and fairness and most of all, love.

My quest began when I started working on passing an effective hate crimes law here in Utah that covered sexual orientation. It didn't pass that year (2003) but I did sit on a panel with a former ACLU attorney and a prominent professor of Sociology to discuss said hate crimes bill. After that, I went on to stop the unnecessary and discriminatory gay marriage constitutional amendment in Utah. Sadly, it passed.

I then got involved in many GLBT organizations and affectionately became known as "the straight single mom" in gay circles. I even applied for a couple of jobs at the local GLBT Center. Four boards and four years later, I am still fighting the fight.

I really do *heart* gay people. I believe that people should be allowed to marry whomever they choose--no matter their gender. I believe that no one should be discriminated against because of their sexual orientation. I believe that gay people do not choose to be gay but do choose the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. I believe (much to the sadness this would bring me) that gays should be allowed to serve in the military (if they choose) with no repercussions. (I still do not believe in war, just for the record).

And today, it seems as though more and more Americans are agreeing with me.

According to a recent Gallup poll, 59% of Americans believe that homosexual relations between consenting adults should be legal. This percentage has fluctuated over the years. Before July 2003, this belief reached its peak at 60% since 1977. For the first time since that July (aka the infamous SCOTUS ruling on sodomy), it is now back up near 60%. This is awesome!

Since the beginning, I have said that the gay rights equality movement is the next civil rights movement. The fight is just getting warmed up too. Women did not get the right to vote overnight. Blacks were not considered full citizens and granted true equality for over 100 years. Gays, with their dominant presence everywhere, have no where to go but up. And up they'll go quite quickly.

The one sad part of the poll shows that 53% of Americans believe that gay marriage should not be valid. A note on this question says:

It should be noted that this gay-marriage question follows a number of questions about homosexual rights in Gallup's Values and Beliefs survey. When the same question is asked in other Gallup surveys that do not include such questions, a lower level of support for gay marriage is usually found.

So, the gay lifestyle is becoming more acceptable and more people believe that gays should have the same job opportunities as others but they are not okay with them getting hitched. Hmmm...

However, looking at the numbers, there is a definite trend. The more accepting of the gay lifestyle people are, the more likely they are to be supportive of gay marriage.

I think this trend has a lot to do with the rise of popular and accepted gay culture. Will & Grace helped start it and made gay people almost seem normal (shock and awe). The coming out of many prominent people--celebrities, politicians, sports stars--has not only forced us to recognize that gay people exist, it has also allowed us to have an open and respectable dialogue about the importance of true equality.

GLBT citizens are business leaders, parents, sons & daughters, PTA Presidents, legislators, Mayors, religious leaders, neighbors, doctors, friends, teachers and policemen. In short, they are exactly the same as us straight people.

And they deserve all the same rights that we enjoy.

For all the Gallup numbers, go here.

God hasn't forsaken you, despite what they tell you.

Last Saturday, Jesse and I attended the 2nd Annual HRC Utah Gala. (For pictures of us at the event, go here). It was quite fun (except for no dancing *sigh*). We had so much fun last year that we decided that we must go again at any cost. Lucky for us, we have great friends who paid for us to go.

The speaker this year was The Right Reverend Gene Robinson. During the VIP reception (which, Jesse and I attended, of course), the Reverend introduced himself to everyone who was there. We thought it was very nice of him to take the time after a long flight and talk personally with all the guests. Jesse and I also noticed that he took the time to say hello to every volunteer. You know you've met a true Christ-like person when he or she says, "Oh no, the honor is all mine," when you say, "It's an honor to meet you" and you know they truly mean it.

Reverend Robinson spoke about his faith and his homosexuality and how the two go hand-in-hand. He is not ashamed of being gay nor is he ashamed of being a religious person. It's possible to be both, he exclaimed, even though the other side says you can't.

I didn't think too much about his speech as I am a Christian and my church is one of the few that sanctions and performs gay commitment ceremonies. I believe that gay couples should be allowed to marry as gay relationships are just as sacred and loving as straight ones. In my mind, there is no difference because marriage is not about gender, it's about love.

As I was standing line for coffee after dinner, I was talking to a woman (who was a tad drunk) about how she enjoyed the evening. She said that everything was fun until the "religious speech." She did not like the fact that the Reverend "flung his religion on the rest of us." I was confused by her comments because that's not how I interpreted his speech at all. He talked about love, understanding, and compassion and how that relates to religion and the gay equality movement.

Contrary to popular belief, you can be a religious person (Christian even) and openly gay (or gay-loving). I know. Shock and awe!

I think that, in Utah, there is more intolerance of religions among the gays, due in part largely to the LDS Church. So many openly gay people are former Mormons, and have been spurned by friends, family and neighbors just because of who they are. While I'll never know what a gay person goes through when coming out and leaving the Church, and I was ostracized from the Mormon Church as well, I will never understand how people who claim to be "Christian" are anything but.

When you come out of the closet, does the handbook you are given say that you have to stop believing on God? I mean, just because you are gay doesn't mean you have to stop believing in Jesus.

Being gay doesn't define Rev. Robinson. Being a Man of God does. He has extraordinarily resolved the supposed conflict between the two and found happiness and strength.

A while ago, I came across this website. I read with interest the various passages from Mormon doctrine that people believe proves the case for the LDS church to accept and believe in gay marriage. While it doesn't change my views on the Church, it may help others.

God doesn't stop loving one of his children simply because of who he or she chooses to love. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not a true Christian at all.

Families Can Be Together Forever

On Sunday, in LDS churches around the country, the following letter was read:

Dear Brethren:

We are informed that the United States Senate will on June 6, 2006, vote on an amendment to the Federal constitution designed to protect the traditional institution of marriage.

We, as the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, have repeatedly set forth our position that the marriage of a man and a woman is the only acceptable marriage relationship.

In 1995 we issued a Proclamation to the World on this matter, and have repeatedly reaffirmed that position.

In that proclamation we said: "We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and stregthen the family as the fundamental unit of society."

We urge our members to express themselves on this urgent matter to their elected representatives in the Senate.

I wonder if God really told these men that gay marriage is wrong. The God I believe in loves all his children and doesn't care who they marry or what sex they are attracted to as long as they are happy and safe.

I wonder how many closeted young men and women living in strict Mormon households will be pushed further into the closet with this statement. I wonder how many will be pushed even further into thoughts of despair and even suicide.

I wonder if the many religions that support this discriminatory amendment truly believe that gay marriage is the downfall of society. I'm sorry, but if Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are allowed to not only get married but also procreate (twice even!) then it should be more than ok to allow two men or two women to marry each other.

One of the reasons I left the church was this so-called "Proclamation on the Family." It is a very hurtful proclamation that says if your family is not a certain type of family then your family is wrong. I'm certain that children are worse off if parents are divorced or stay in abusive relationships than children who have two dads or two moms.

I believe that if the church really did believe in helping protect the family, they would ensure that families are kept together instead of torn apart by such proclamations.

I also believe that the Constitution is a sacred document and should not be changed for matters like this. Marriage is a personal contract between two people and government should stay out.

I didn't want this post to turn into an "Action Alert" but the more I write, the more upset I get. Please take 5 minutes to sign this postcard to your Senators to ask them to vote no to the Federal Marriage Amendment. Do it now as they are scheduled to vote on it June 6.

I couldn't wish for better father figures for my daughter then my boys. They are not the downfall of society and it breaks my heart when they say my boys don't deserve to marry the ones they love.

I wish I had that

Last Saturday, Brian was working at a Bride & Groom Expo selling cell phones. Jesse and I thought it would be fun to go to the Expo to begin planning their wedding.

At first we pretended that we were the ones getting married to each other. But we just weren't into it. At every booth, we were asked who was getting married. We began by saying that I was and Scott or Adam would pretend to be my groom. Weird. Eventually, we were just saying that Jesse was. No one really questioned things. One lady asked where his bride was and when Jesse replied, "There is no bride, only a groom. In fact, he's down there working," her reply was, "Oh you're pulling my leg."

I said, "No, actually he's not."

We found some other vendors who were not shocked by the thought of two men getting married to each other. The Pampered Chef lady was so fun and told us about a Commitment Expo being held soon (which we will be going to as well). We convinced one vendor to go over and "talk" Brian into being more committed to marrying Jesse and not only did she talk to him, she gave him a coupon for 50% off their pictures!

I think I'm more excited about them getting married than either one of them is and I keep telling people they are. (Don't be mad at me! I figure this way, Brian will give and agree to a fall wedding this year.)

I think I'm more excited because of my commitment phobia. I have no desire to get married at this point in time (much to my mother's dismay) and will be excited for them.

But I see their relationship and it makes me wish that I had what they have: a loving, caring relationship that has stood through good and bad and will be there forever. It's so sweet to watch them together and you just know by watching them that it's true love and they are meant to be together.

Whenever I hear this song, it reminds of their relationship so I had to put it here.

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles, all my fears dissolve in your affections.
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land.

You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together.
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in.
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe.

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it.
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day
"Push" by Sarah McLachlan

And so what if I'm a little cheesy. I deserve to be every now and then. I do (heart) my gays.

It's not the end, it just makes the fight that much harder and much more worthwhile

There a host of reasons the people I know have left the Mormon church. My reasons were different; I just didn't believe it. That, and a piece of paper they have says my daughter and I are not a real family.

I have a hard time disliking the Church because my family and many good friends and collegues are members. But things like this really hurt me and I can't forgive them for this belief.

I don't usually quote whole articles here but I felt this was too much to not talk about. The link to the article is here.

The LDS Church has joined a national religious coalition to push an amendment to the U.S. Constitution that would define marriage as between a man and a woman.

LDS Apostle Russell M. Nelson joined 50 prominent Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox and Jewish leaders in signing a petition explaining why they see a need for such a constitutional amendment.

"We are convinced that this is the only measure that will adequately protect marriage from those who would circumvent the legislative process and force a redefinition of it on the whole of our society," reads the petition released to the public on Monday. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued a statement acknowledging its involvement with the Religious Coalition for Marriage, but spokesman Dale Bills declined any further comment and said Nelson was granting no interviews.

The petition isn't the first attempt to amend the Constitution in regard to marriage.

A similar effort failed in 2004, but it did generate significant opposition to same-sex marriage that helped bring many conservative voters to the polls in some pivotal states in 2004. That same year, Utah amended its own constitution to define marriage as the legal union between a man and a woman - a move the LDS Church endorsed. The church has issued two previous statements in support of a constitutional amendment on marriage, and its position is clearly laid out in the 1994 document, "The Family: A Proclamation to the World."

Valerie Larabee, executive director of the Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Utah, said she was disappointed but not surprised by this new drive to amend the U.S. Constitution.

"The Constitution is a very empowering document," Larabee said Monday. "This is the first time it would be used to take away rights, rather than extend them."
The U.S. has many bigger problems to face than how to define marriage, she said. "It's time to stop discriminating against [gays and lesbians] for something they have no control over."

Since the passage of Utah's marriage amendment, many gays and lesbians have gone to extraordinary lengths to avoid discrimination in the workplace and protect their families, Larabee said. "If Utah voters truly knew the impact of Amendment 3, they'd be disgusted."

This new effort is nothing more than "political pandering and an electoral distraction," said Scott McCoy, an openly gay state senator who helped organize opposition to Utah's marriage amendment.

Congress is not likely to pass a constitutional amendment, nor should it, McCoy said. "Domestic relations law has never been a federal issue, not for 200 years."
Proponents of a traditional marriage definition say a constitutional amendment would immediately shut down all legal challenges to it across the nation.

Currently, there are court cases in Washington, California, Iowa, New York, Connecticut, New Jersey and Maryland, said Monte Stewart, executive director of the Marriage Law Foundation in Orem.

"They are demanding that the court redefine marriage as the union of any two people," Stewart said. "It would end all the pending court cases and would give the U.S. a uniform definition of marriage."

Both the organizers and gay rights groups said what was striking about this new petition drive was the direct involvement by high-ranking Roman Catholic officials, including 16 bishops. Although the church has long opposed same-sex unions, and the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops had previously endorsed the idea of a constitutional amendment banning such unions, evangelical Protestants generally led the charge when the amendment was debated in 2004.

The petition drive was organized in part by Robert P. George of Princeton, a Catholic scholar with close ties to evangelical Protestant groups. Aides to three Republican senators - Bill Frist of Tennessee, the Republican leader; Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania; and Sam Brownback of Kansas - were also involved, organizers said.

Organizers said the petition had brought together cardinals from both the left and right sides of the United States bishops' conference, including the liberal Cardinal Roger M. Mahony of Los Angeles and the conservative Cardinal Francis George of Chicago, as well as Cardinals Edward M. Egan of New York, Theodore E. McCarrick of Washington, William H. Keeler of Baltimore and Sean Patrick O'Malley of Boston.

The prominent conservative Protestant figures included leaders of the Southern Baptist Convention, the largest Protestant denomination, as well as the president of conservative Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod and a handful of Episcopal bishops.

Matt Daniels, founder of the Alliance for Marriage, an umbrella group that supports the proposed amendment, said the religious leaders represented "huge numbers" of people. His group has set up a Web site, http://www.religiouscoalitionformarriage.org, which includes the petition, pew handouts and suggested notes for sermons.

Pride

This was in Sunday's bulletin from my church:

What would Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., think of the world today had he lived? What would he have to say? What causes would he be speaking out for or against? Many ask that question every year as we approach his January 15th birthday. The truth is that we will never know because no human being stands still in time, but we all grow and mature just by living. For example, by reading Dr. King's sermons and writings in the last five years of his life, we know that he prioritized economic issues and working for peace in a world of war. Thus, I believe that Dr. King would have spoken out forcefully against the growing gap between rich and poor in the United States, and the war in Iraq.

But what about an issue, such as same sex marriage, which had not been raised during Dr. King's lifetime? Recently there have been some African American clergy who have tried to expropriate Dr. King in their fight against same sex marriage, some even beginning a march at his grave site. I don't profess to know what Dr. King's position on same sex marriage would have been, but I do believe that Dr. King would have supported the full humanity and the inclusion of all children of God in our society. Just as he supported Bayard Rustin, the labor unionist and gay man who was the genius behind the March on Washington and many of the strategies of the civil rights movement, I believe Dr. King would have reached out to the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered community.

Whatever Dr. King might have said about the issues of today, I know that he would have urged each and every American to work for justice and peace in our nation and the world. This year, as we celebrate Dr. King's birthday, let's all find a concrete way to work for such a world.

Rev. Bernice Powell Jackson

Early morning, April 4
A shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took his life.
But they could not take his pride.
In the name of love.

"(Pride) In The Name of Love" U2

The Cost of Gay Marriage

Yeah, gays are definitely more high maintenance than us straight people.

Marriage. It's about, love.

Why am I such a sap when it comes to sweet stories about marriage?

I cried at this article.

My favorite line,

Michael firmly answers yes, and then Jamie, less steadily, gives the same answer, wiping away tears as he says, "Most importantly, I will work every day at loving you better."

With this couple, nothing else mattered except their love for each other. They know that many people think their lifestyle is disgusting and immoral. They get the stares and whispers.

But, they don't care. They have each other. They have love. And that's all that matters.

ps. note to Jesse. If I can't be your maid of honor, we are so no longer friends!

Marriage - Is it really all it's cracked up to be?

Yes, I'm going to do it.

No, not get married. That would require that I actually know a straight man! Duh!

I meant that I, too, am going to jump into the fray concerning gay marriage.

I don't understand the homosexual's desire to be married. I mean, I do, but I don't.

I understand the symbolic meaning behind marriage. If gay couples are allowed to married it means equality, justice, the American way, blah blah blah. It's not fair that I have the right to marry the person I love and want to spend the rest of my life with (any suggestions who this is, please, let me know) but my best friends can not.

I don't understand the critics who say that "Marriage is about procreation" or "Children need a mother and a father." Since when has marriage ever been about children? Is that really all that marriage is about? As a single mom, I take special offense to this.

I understand the principle behind gays being allowed to marry. I understand the desire for equality. I have fought vigorously for it. I understand what marriage means to people. It means a commitment, proof of a couple's undying love for one another.

But, in reality, marriage is only a piece of paper. Isn't what really matters that you are with the person you love and want to spend your life with? This brings us to another point which we won't get into today, that is, if marriage is really only between two people, what say should the government have in it? Or religion, for that matter? Marriage is an agreement between two people, not Uncle Sam or God,
right?

This also brings up the debate about love. I think Howard Jones said it best when he sang, "What is love anyway? Does anybody really love anybody anyway?" And Paul McCartney asserts, "All you need is love."
And that totally makes sense.

Anyway, another argument for marriage equality is that gay couples deserve the same benefits as straight couples. However, all of the same rights and such can be granted with contracts. Besides, who would want to get married anyway? It's really not all it's cracked up to be. Just look at marriage these days. Most are out of convenience, arrangement, or force. Are any really about love anymore?

I understand that marriage has a greater meaning. I also understand that part of my hesitancy in supporting it is my own fear. Commitment is a huge step. Giving yourself completely to someone only to have them tremendously hurt you is not fun. Maybe others are just stronger than me, I don't know.

I don't understand the desire for marriage, mostly because of what I have been through. I will, however, support all of my friends who desire it.

Because, they deserve it-no matter who they love.