The Gays I Know: A Primer

A recent Instant Message Conversation:

Sheryl: Arshad was the guy who trained us at Democracy for America weekend. He is the cutest Queen. I thought you knew him???
Megan: contrary to popular belief, i do not know every gay in the world.
Megan: just those from state street to foothill blvd.
Sheryl: state street to foothill..what south?
Megan: approx. 2100 south
Sheryl: okay so 2100 south to foothill to state and what north?
Megan: capitol
Sheryl: okie so the poor gays in Sandy don't know you?
Megan: nope
Megan: that's darci's territory
Sheryl: LOL

(Please note: There are A FEW exceptions for I know a few who live in West Valley and Ogden. I just feel sorry for them.)

The Functions of My Gaggle

I keep so many gay men around not only because they are great friends to have but they also serve various functions in my life. Each one serves a different role in my life and all together, they make me a much better person (well, mostly). Just as I know to never ask Brady to walk from 9th & 9th to Gateway (as that's Robert's job), I would never go to Adam to be cheered up--that's what Jesse does.

Here are their obvious functions that I can think of at this time.

Adam: Political advisor & Drinking buddy (U.S.). Sometimes at the same time (which isn't a good thing most of those times).

Brady: Fashion consultant & Interior Decorator. I've gone shopping with most of my gays and he is by far the most helpful and has the best taste (which usually equates to the most expensive).

Brian: Psychologist, Handyman, & Master debater. Life really isn't complete until you have a "discussion" with Brian about some controversial (and even not controversial) subject or until you have him change your flat tire.

Jesse: Technology and Accounting consultant, Pop culture aficionado, & the one who can cheer me up no matter what.

Robert: Hiking buddy, Gossip columnist/Political hack, & Drinking buddy (Outside of U.S.) (That is, if I ever go outside of the U.S.).

Shawn: Philosophizer, Super volunteer, Handy-man, Humanitarian & Emergency babysitter. Too bad he's going back to vegan--we were just beginning to be able to eat at normal places again.

Will: Legal counsel, 2nd U.S. drinking buddy, & Constant listener. Usually, all three are done at once.

I want a gay brother

I started watching the television show, Brothers & Sisters when it first started six months ago. I thought it was a good show as I highly enjoy Sally Field and Calista Flockhart. Recently, ABC put all episodes to date online. This weekend, I had a little marathon and caught up with the Walker family.

Some of my favorite things about the show include:

• Rob Lowe is guest starring. Is it just me or has he gotten hotter since leaving The West Wing? Unfortunately, he plays a republican in this show.
• As I watched more and more of the season, I realized that the Walker's are just as screwed up as my family! They are so much like my family, it's not even funny. I mean, the fighting, the bitchiness, the crazy mother--I felt right at home.
• What's more awesome than seeing two guys kiss each other on network television? Espcially when they're cute! I love Kevin (the gay brother). He is so unlike your "typical" gay man. He reminds me a lot of my gays because they too, are not flamboyant and you sometimes do a double-take when they say or do something really gay. But every now and then, Kevin--much like my gaggle--does something oh-so gay and I just have to laugh.
• I would love to have a gay brother! It would be so much fun!

Sadly, whenever I find a show I really like, it gets cancelled. So, I won't get my hopes up too much. *sigh*

Proof that gay couples really aren't that different from straight couples.

Last week, I week to lunch with my friend Anne and her boyfriend Paul in from NYC for the holidays. It was good to catch up and chat like old times.

At the end of our lunch, Anne and Paul had the following conversation:

Anne: Oh shit! I forgot to make room on the Tivo before we left! It's going to erase some stuff because there's so much on there.

Paul: It's okay--as long as none of my shows get deleted.

Anne: Well actually, I think I may have accidentally deleted your "Battlestar Galactica" a few weeks ago.

Paul: WHAT!? Why did you do that?! I haven't watched any of the episodes yet!

Anne: Well, I didn't think you watched it. You told me once that you probably would never watch it so I figured it would be okay if I deleted it.

Paul: No, I said that I would watch it, just not right away.

Anne: Well, maybe I didn't delete it; I'm really not sure.

I realized that this conversation was much like the conversations I've overheard the Nicholls-Nix household have many times about television, "Battlestar Galactica" and their DVR.

If I were an attorney arguing how gays are just like the straights I'd totally win.

How to make me feel old

Ask me what a record sounds like. (Thanks, Shawn)

Yes, I do own a record player and many, many records.

And yes, I do listen to them.

"It tastes the same." "If you close your eyes."

I invited some friends over for dinner Sunday night. While deciding what to prepare, I made sure to keep in mind the various dietary restrictions of my friends. I usually don't placate people but I figured that since they ARE my friends and they ARE nice and I DO like them so, what the hell.

This is what I had to deal with...

• Shawn - Vegetarian (Thank GOD he's not a vegan anymore!)
• Melissa - Allergic to raw fruits and vegetables AND doesn't eat red meat or pork (She ended up not even coming to dinner. BOO! You whore!)
• Scott - "Claims" he's allergic to nuts.
• And, as we were eating, I saw Jesse take the tomatoes out of his pasta and remembered that Brian doesn't like tomatoes so if he had come, he wouldn't have liked that.

Thank goodness Ken doesn't have any weird allergies--well, to food that is.

Hugs and kisses!

One thing that I've never quite understood about gay culture is all the hugging and kissing.

Every time I see certain friends (who are gay) we hug and/or kiss hello and goodbye. Now, there is nothing wrong with this at all. I very much enjoy it.

But I just wonder where this came from in the gay world. I mean, you don't see straight people kissing and hugging their goodbyes and hellos all the time, do you?

I've been so accostomed to this that I now hug some candidates hello and goodbye which is just weird on so many levels. I don't know why I do it; I just do. I've been immersed the gay lifestyle for so long, I'm sucked in deep and will never get out. (Not that there's anything wrong with that...)

So please, can someone explain to me the hugging an kissing your hellos and goodbyes to me?!

Usually, it's the other way around

As I was walking to the movie theatre yesterday, I saw a single gay man with a gaggle of fag hags. I was intrigued because it's usually one fag hag with a gaggle of gays.

For the record: I was only with two of my gays . So there.

The art & science of club dancing

Thursday night, I went out dancing with Jesse, Brian and Brian's friend, Evan. Note: We did NOT go to a gay club even! It was '80s night at a local place and Brian has said the only way he'd go dancing was if it was on '80s night. So, dancing we a-went.

I always have the most fun at the club when I'm watching (i.e. making fun of) other people. Jesse and I will play a game where we pick a person and dance like them. Now, we don't pick the good dancers so it proves to be quite entertaining.

Drunk guys are the most fun to watch--gay or straight. The gay ones just starting making out with the guy they're dancing with while the straight ones make complete fools of themselves. One guy was on the platform singing along with all the songs. He was really into it and Jesse acted like he was at a concert and this guy was the hot lead singer. He (the guy) was bizarre; he would point to the crowd and grab himself. My favorite part was when he almost fell off the stage.

One thing I think is interesting about club dancing is how groups of friends dance. Groups of girls dance in packs as to tell hunting guys, "Stay away! We only came here to dance! We do not want you to hit on us. Fuck guys! I just want to dance!" Yet when a group of guys starts dancing with the group of girls, the girls don't push them off or claim to be lesbians.

Whenever we go dancing, it's usually just Jesse and I dancing so it was interesting to see how our dancing group developed. We danced in a tight circle--just like a pack of girls.

I only have one complaint about club dancing. And that is, when the dance floor gets crowded, it is not necessary to elbow, push and jab the people around you. It's crowded. There is no where else I can go so no matter how hard you push me, I still can't move. Don't be a dick.

That is all.

When straight dogs live with gay men

I've been noticing a lot lately that a lot of gay couples (men in particular) have dogs in their lives. Now, it's not that they just have a dog. I mean, lots of people (including straight couples) have dogs. But for most gay couples, their dogs are their "kids."

For example, an older gay couple I know were talking about their new golden retriever puppy at a party last week. They were literally doting on their puppy like it was a brand new baby. "You should see his cute little paws! Oh and his eyes! We can't take him out yet because he's so little; we don't want him to get sick." Scott recently told me that he really wants a dog (it was quite random) and Jesse and Brian treat their dog Titus like he is their kid.

I don't really understand the whole "my dog is like my child thing." Maybe it's because I'm allergic to most dogs, I don't know. I like Titus as much as they like my kid. And my kid really likes them, but Titus likes me more than he should.

Every time I visit their house, Titus shows his affection towards me by "getting it on" with my arm. Jesse and Brian keep telling me that he's giving me a hug cause he likes me so much. "He does it to us whenever he knows we're going to leave the house."

Except, there is more to Titus hugging my arm. Yesterday, as I was sitting on their bed waiting for Jesse to finish packing, Titus jumped up and got on my arm. Before I could tell him no and shove him off, Jesse said, "No, wait. He's not humping you, he just wants to give you a hug!"

When I showed Jesse Titus' lipstick, however, he realized that I was right all along (as usual) and told Titus to stop. He did stop but he continued to lick my arm and smell me. I guess I have that girl scent that drives him wild. I started using a new kind of lotion that I thought might repel him. Apparently not.

I could understand the connection better if he were a gay dog but since he's straight, I just don't get it. My only conclusion is that since I'm a straight girl, Titus really likes me. He's around the gay men so much, he just can't contain himself when I'm around.

Hmmm...I hang around gay men constantly but I don't start humping them whenever I feel like it. I mean, that'd just be weird.

I should have just let him get the bucket.

Last Friday was Jesse's birthday. I asked Brian what he wanted to do and as usual he had no ideas. Brian, you see, is a straight man in a gay man's body. He doesn't think like a typical gay man as far as creativity, being romantic, etc. I mean he tries, really he does. But I should have remembered Jesse's birthday two years ago.

When I asked Brian what he was getting Jesse for his birthday, I got really excited. To my dismay, however, it wasn't as big as I thought it was.

Me, being me, wanted to help Brian to ensure that what he had planned for Jesse was special and memorable. I asked him what he was thinking of doing. He initially said, "Well, I thought you could keep him distracted while he cleaned the house and made a nice dinner."

I couldn't let him do just that. So I helped him think of something fun and special to do that didn't cost a lot of money.

My thought was to go on a nice picnic and told him I'd figure out what they could have to eat (because sandwiches just aren't special enough). I came up with something easy and nice: chicken, corn on the cob, macaroni salad, and dessert.

When I told Brian my idea, he said, "I'll just get a bucket of chicken from KFC."

Riiiight. That's romantic. I didn't know that a bucket of greasy chicken was symbolic of love. "I love you so much, here's a gift expressing that love. Oh, and a bucket of chicken made with the Colonel's 15 herbs and spices."

So, I made the food for them. And I thought that Brian had planned for a nice, romantic evening. But then, I should have realized that it was Brian and since he acts more like a straight man when it comes to such things, something would happen to make it, oh, "not so much."

And I was right.

As Brian and I were planning on what he should do (and not do), I jokingly said, "You could use the silver fortune cookie (in reference to presenting Jesse with his gift)!" The key word in that last sentence was JOKINGLY in case you didn't get it. Brian apparently didn't and used it anyway.

I figured that Brian would think of the small details and I shouldn't tell him how to do the entire thing. Again, I was wrong. Instead of going on a hike and looking at the stars through the telescope, he just found a crowded picnic area, gave Jesse his gift, then took him to a movie. A cheesy cartoon movie. At the budget theatre. That cost $1.50.

What could have been a romantic and special event turned out to be less than spectacular as you can read on Jesse's blog.

I should have just let him buy the bucket of chicken.

On being the 3rd, or 5th, or even 7th wheel

I like being single. I like the freedom I have of not having to constantly be with a partner. I like the independence of not worrying about the feelings of someone else.

Oh, and I'm afraid of commitment.

This being said, there are often times my singleness is greatly emphasized. And I hate it.

This usually happens when hanging out with my boys. And it usually doesn't bother me unless I constantly think about it like I tend to do with things. Brian and Jesse are partners, and Scott is currently dating. Right there, I have 2 couples to deal with.

I don't get into too awkward situations usually where I feel severely uncomfortable. For example, last Monday, Brian, Jesse and I went out to eat at a fancyish restaurant and then a movie. The three of us have gone out many times and we have a lot of fun. There was a time when I was a regular staple at the Nicholls-Nix household. So much so that Brian joked that I was there more often than he was. At their new house, I don't even bother knocking, I just walk right in like I live there too. (I feel I deserve it because of my hard work, sweat, and burnt arm.) (Subliminal message: I need a new iPod.)

Anyway, as I was saying, sometimes, being the 3rd (or 5th or 7th) wheel just isn't a big deal.

Unless, it's emphasized by another person.

This happened on Saturday. After a fun day at the air show with Jesse and his friend Sara, Jesse invited me, Scott, and Ken over to their house for dinner and board games. Russell and Jennie were there as well so we knew we'd have fun.

Jesse wanted to play Cranium and since teams are needed for this, it was blatantly obvious that I was the "odd man out." Jesse suggested I call Melissa to invite her so I wouldn't be left out. I told him just to take me home if it was that big of a deal to him. He protested that it wasn't and away we went.

Cutting it short, we ended up not playing Cranium but another game in which the teams were as follows:

• Russell & Jennie
• Brian & Jesse
• Scott, Ken, & Me

I did feel like the 7th wheel. And I hate it. I feel like I am the poor single friend they invited to hang out with them cause they feel sorry for them or that I'm a drag and they only hang out with out of pity.

*Suggestion* When playing games with friends, if teams are needed, don't make couples automatic teams. I know this upsets some very much (so much they get pissy and ask everyone to leave) but it's only nice and fair. I mean, why do the couples ALWAYS have to be teammates?

On being Mama's boys (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I don't know if this is something that is true of all gay men, or just mine in general, but they are serious mama's boys.

Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this. But I wonder if being close to their mothers is a factor in them being gay.

I guess it just intrigues me because I am not close to my mother at all and even think it's mildly strange the closeness my boys have with their moms.

Jesse & Brian talk to their mothers on the phone daily. Sometimes, for hours. This last weekend, Brian's mom was visiting and he was very sick. I teased him that it was good she was there since he was sick but it was very sweet to see her holding his hand and rubbing his forehead as he was lying on the couch.

Adam is very close to his mother and grandmother and talks to both multiple times throughout the week. He tells his mother almost everything and can just talk to her about anything. I keep many things from my mother and could never imagine being so open about my life with her.

Even Brady is close to his mom--despite her literal disgust of his "chosen lifestyle." When she found out he was gay, she threatened to cut him off from everything and send to reparative therapy. Yet, especially since he's been in San Francisco, they seem to have bonded. She knows he's gay and she does not like it and they just don't talk about it, but they are still very close. During his recent visit, after she picked him up from the airport, they went shopping. For Mother's Day, they went to see "Hairspray." I wonder what it was like for this homophobic mother going to a Broadway show in which the lead character is a transvestite in conservative Utah with her openly gay son?

Then, there's Scott. He's so close to his mom, he just can't think of ever leaving her. (Actually, he just likes the free rent. I mean, who doesn't?!) They talk a lot but I think he's closer to his dad. However, he often jokes that his mom still breastfeeds him. I beginning to believe it's not a joke. (DISCLAIMER: It really is a joke.)

I read some gay boys' blogs and most of them seem to be quite close to their mothers. So really, is this common among gay men?

Have you found your Urban Tribe?

I've always found it interesting how groups of friends are formed. My core group of friends have been friends for about 2 years now and it's funny how it's never really deviated. There have been additions with current boyfriends or old friends coming around again but mostly it's the 5 of us.

Last summer, we had weekly "Family Homo Evenings" where each of us would plan something fun that we all had to participate in as a way of us always hanging out with each other. There has been talk about doing it again this summer because of the fun we had last year but so far no one is willing to commit. (Gay men not willing to commit? Crazy!)

Part of this, I believe, is what has happened in that year.

The article below describes (I've only copied some of the article, click on the post title to read the entire thing) what I'm going through in my life right now. My friends are my family. My "real" family doesn't live here so it's hard to have their support. So, I turn to my friends. They are my family.

Matt and I were talking the other night about how to make friends. He said, "I have no idea where to meet new people." And it's strange how that is for a lot of people.

Where do you find friends?

Take your current really-close, best friends and think about where you met them. Most of us meet friends in 3 different areas: work, school, and other social groups we belong to.

Work friends are sometimes hard to get close to. When I first moved to Salt Lake, there were a few friends who I was with 24/7--work, play AND school.

Yet, after we graduate from college, we stop making school friends. It is very rare for someone to still be close friends with the same people they went to high school with or even met when they first started college. I believe that the friends we make while in college are the friends we will be friends with for the rest of our lives. By the time we've finished school, we have some sense of who we are and what we want out of life and the friends we have made are quite similar to us. Naturally, it just makes sense that you will be friends with them for life.

Brady recently moved to San Francisco and was expressing to me last night how hard it was to meet people AND make friends with them. He thought it would be so easy and he'd have a ton of new friends. Instead, he has only met guys who want to hook up with him and a few people from Utah. How do we meet people that we want to form long-lasting friendships with? Furthermore, which is more important: continually working on making new friendships or working on keeping old ones strong?

Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without my friends--even the ones who don't live here anymore. Yet I know that we will all be friends for a really long time.

And that is something that makes me very happy.

Between graduation and marriage, young adults are moving away from their families and building 'urban tribes' - support groups built around friendship

By Christy Karras
The Salt Lake Tribune

When an uninsured member of Adriane Colvin's urban tribe had a brain aneurysm, the tribe - a group of friends that served as her substitute family - was there to help. They arranged her doctor visits, helped her around the house and started a fund to pay her medical bills.

"It was just an amazing outpouring of support," Colvin said. But she wasn't surprised: The tribe has been supporting its members' needs for years.

Such groups of adult friends usually don't call themselves tribes, or even think of themselves that way. All they know is, when they need someone to help them move the furniture, give dating advice or plan a home-cooked meal, they often turn to chosen families rather than biological ones.

"They evolve so organically that you don't recognize the social momentum they contain," said Ethan Watters, whose book, Urban Tribes, popularized the term and the idea. "People begin telling stories about 'This group did this.' . . . Once it gets to that point, you can remove a person from the group, and it doesn't change the group. It's highly clustered. You can actually graph it and see how this works in vast numbers of lines between people."

How do you know you're in a tribe? Watters says, "Go down the list of things your family used to do and ask, 'Does my family do this for me, or do my friends?' " Who vets potential dates? Whose shoulder do you cry on if you've had a bad day?
"You begin to see the family is still culturally important, and yet a lot of those day-to-day things have been taken over by friends," he said.

More and more, people spend their college and post-college years moving away from their hometowns, marrying later and focusing on interests and careers. Nationally, the U.S. Census reported last year, the average marriage age for women has risen 4.7 years in the past three decades, to about 26, while the age for men at first marriage is up 4.3 years, to 27.4. In Utah, the averages are lower, but those numbers are skewed by the high number of Mormons who marry early (according to Utah state data, for example, three-fourths of people married before age 20 had LDS ceremonies).

Lacking a built-in family or church support system, unmarried adults such as Heidi Falk create their own.

Falk's tribe originated when several friends moved from Illinois to Utah to snowboard. She came to visit and fell in love with the place. Now, the group has grown to include friends and significant others from Utah and other states. "I'm not really a person to, say, go to the bars to look for people, but we always like to add new people to the group," she said.

The dozen or so men and women, most in their late 20s, see each other several times a month and spend holidays together. "Even those . . . who have family here spend the holidays with us, as well as with their families," Falk said.

For its members, the tribe has been a godsend. "I'm grateful because right after college, this is what happened," said Falk. "It provides me with lots of stability - and it's also just fun."

Without families nearby, traditional family roles - matchmaker, confidant, adviser - are taken over by friends. "If you go back to basics, there's always a memory, in your DNA, of living in tribes," said Colvin, who organizes events for the Burning Man festival in Nevada, an event frequented by urban tribes, including several in Salt Lake City. "The power of a tribe is that the members of a tribe suddenly figure out who they are and figure out their gifts and what they can give to this society."

A tribe "serves as a place where there's no judgment, a community of like-minded people," she said. For her, the tribe is another kind of family.

If you've read until the very end, leave a comment and congratulate me. This my 100th post on this blog.

I wish I had that

Last Saturday, Brian was working at a Bride & Groom Expo selling cell phones. Jesse and I thought it would be fun to go to the Expo to begin planning their wedding.

At first we pretended that we were the ones getting married to each other. But we just weren't into it. At every booth, we were asked who was getting married. We began by saying that I was and Scott or Adam would pretend to be my groom. Weird. Eventually, we were just saying that Jesse was. No one really questioned things. One lady asked where his bride was and when Jesse replied, "There is no bride, only a groom. In fact, he's down there working," her reply was, "Oh you're pulling my leg."

I said, "No, actually he's not."

We found some other vendors who were not shocked by the thought of two men getting married to each other. The Pampered Chef lady was so fun and told us about a Commitment Expo being held soon (which we will be going to as well). We convinced one vendor to go over and "talk" Brian into being more committed to marrying Jesse and not only did she talk to him, she gave him a coupon for 50% off their pictures!

I think I'm more excited about them getting married than either one of them is and I keep telling people they are. (Don't be mad at me! I figure this way, Brian will give and agree to a fall wedding this year.)

I think I'm more excited because of my commitment phobia. I have no desire to get married at this point in time (much to my mother's dismay) and will be excited for them.

But I see their relationship and it makes me wish that I had what they have: a loving, caring relationship that has stood through good and bad and will be there forever. It's so sweet to watch them together and you just know by watching them that it's true love and they are meant to be together.

Whenever I hear this song, it reminds of their relationship so I had to put it here.

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles, all my fears dissolve in your affections.
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land.

You stay the course, you hold the line you keep it all together.
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in.
You're all the things that I desire, you save me, you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe.

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're to good to fight about it.
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go

Your love is just the antidote when nothing else will cure me
There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise I'd drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm OK
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day
"Push" by Sarah McLachlan

And so what if I'm a little cheesy. I deserve to be every now and then. I do (heart) my gays.

Utah Pride 2006

My first gay pride fest was in 2004. It wasn't too much fun nor very memorable.

Last year, Jesse told me that he was going to be the volunteer coordinator for Pride. I was excited and wanted to be his assistant. He was hesitant at first because he thought I wouldn't want to take orders from him and be his subordinate. I really didn't care and we actually had a lot of fun (and I only got mad at him and threatened to leave once).

So much fun, that we're doing it again!

Last year, when the festival was over, we spent a week and wrote over six pages of ideas and suggestions of how to improve things. A lot of our ideas are being implemented this year and we are very happy.

The point of this post is not to tell you how wonderful Jesse and I are (even though we are) but to solicit volunteers. Volunteers get in free to the event, a snazzy Pride t-shirt, and free food! You only have to volunteer for 2 hours before, during, or after the event.

So, if you live in Utah, get your friends together, and volunteer for this year's Pride.

I FORGOT: Pride is June 3 & 4.

Why?

I often get asked why I have so many gay friends and I've answered that previously.

But, as a straight person, I often get questioned why I am such a strong advocate for gay equality. To me, it's a basic principle of human decency and fairness. As a Democrat, I am constantly fight for the underdog and part of me will always "fight the good fight."

I've done many things to further the equality of my gay friends here in Utah.

When I ran for my current position, I spoke to a group of "gay activists." I ran through my list of things I had done and paused before going on. I looked over at Jesse who had accompanied me to the meeting for moral support and finished, saying, "I haven't done all these things for glory or to get your support. I've done them because if I had made the choice to give up my daughter for adoption, I'd want it to be a same-sex couple. To me, it's not fair that my best friends (pointing to Jesse) do not have the same rights as me."

As I spoke, I began to cry and continued, "My friends are not bad people. They, like everyone here, would be great parents and deserve that--no matter who they are or who they love."

I looked around the room and saw tears in the eyes of so many people I care about who have been treated with disgust because of their sexual orientation. And that hurts me.

Gay people are not bad people.

Why do I do it? Why do I fight a fight that will go on for many years?

Simple: It's for her. When she looks at one of my boys she doesn't see an evil person, she sees a man who loves her and she loves them. I want her to grow up in a world that does not hate a group of people because of who they are.

There are reasons. Here are my top 2.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent...

I was telling a girl friend of mine (a friend who's a girl) (see, I don't just have gay men for friends--they are just my closest) about my dentist when she quipped, "You know, you really have a lot of gay men in your life. I'm not sure how healthy that really is."

I often wonder why I like hanging out with gay men. Is it the fashion advice? The hot guy-on-guy action? Kidding! Totally kidding!

As Saturday came and went, I realized that there are some very good reasons why I enjoy hanging out with gay men.

First, women are catty bitches. Now, this is not to say that gay men aren't but not to the extent as women (besides, gay men tend to have more drama so I think this balances them out.) Women will talk incessantly about other women behind their backs. This talk is not usually nice talk either. They will tell one "friend" what another told her about the other friend. Then, she'll turn right around and do it to the other person.

I had an experience on Saturday where I had said something to my friend Mandy about Ashley. It was nothing bad, I was just expressing my frustrations about her. I thought that Mandy would keep this in confidence. She didn't. She ended up telling the rest of her office. Tracy, who works in her office heard and told Ashley what I had said. Needless to say, this didn't go over well with Ashley. It annoyed me that Tracy was involved. The situation had nothing to do with her and she stuck her nose right in it and made it worse.

I realize that as I'm typing this that I too participate in the cattiness of women. Okay, sure. I'll admit it. I do. But I don't pit one woman against another by saying things about others. I don't cause or create drama; I help to alleviate it. At least, I try.

My other reason was evident Saturday night.

Gay men are fun. Like, I can hang out with them and laugh the entire night or I'm never bored because they are just so much fun. Fun, as in "I'm laughing so hard I'm about to pee my pants fun."

Saturday night Scott and I went over to Arlyn's friends' new home. They had just moved in and had a little get together with friends. What started as a small thing soon turned into an insanely huge and fun party. I kept seeing gay men that I knew and it was funny to figure out the whole "six degrees of separation" thing with them.

Scott and I aren't social butterflies. We are content hanging out and talking to the people we know at the party and not going out to talk to and make other friends. But that didn't preclude us from having a good time. With so many people in a small house, you can't help but make friends with strangers and talk to at least everyone at least once.

I had a heart-to-heart bonding experience with Robb and philosophized on life and Brokeback Mountain with Joe. I drank and the more I drank, the more fun things became. Scott and I had a theory about what was the life of the party: the music (in the study), the booze (in the kitchen) or Arlyn's puppy (who was wandering around). You see, more people seemed to gravitate towards one of these things. We theorized that since the booze and music never moved, that the puppy must be the draw.

Yes, we were drinking when we came up with this theory.

At the end of the night, things started to get crazy when Weston and LeGrande started doing an "interpretative dance" of pregnancy and birth. My face actually hurt from laughing so hard.

I think that me being a tom boy growing up is one of the reasons I enjoy hanging out with guys more than girls. I always have gotten along with men more than women--even straight men.

These are two reasons I love hanging out with gay men and would choose them anyday over women (even lesbians).

It takes a village--or in my case, a gaggle

One thing I love about my boys is how much they care about my daughter. Last weekend, when I had most of my gaggle around, we started talking about her prom night. Adam mentioned how fun it would be to get her dressed and do her hair (another plus of having gay boyfriends, then I won't have to do it!).

She started talking about "her boyfriend" (which I had no clue about) and how she kissed him. This got us all started talking about her and what it would be like when she starts to date. Instead of "mom and dad" grilling the guy, it'll be me and at least four gay men asking what his intentions with our little girl are.

Of course, there are the wonderful things they've taught her: the song, "I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie," saying "bee-otch," how Brian gave Jesse a pain in the butt, and how people who frown are ugly.

She's going to grow up a well-rounded individual, that's for sure.

Herding my gaggle

Planning is more than a degree
I'm a planner.

I like to make weekend plans on Thursday and have some idea about what I'm going to do for the whole weekend. I'm already planning my vacation in late November-early December. (I'm going on a cruise, preferably one with lots of gay men, so if you'd like to join me, let me know.)

Last Thursday, Scott and I made plans to hang out on Saturday night (since he had a 3rd date with Arlyn on Friday!). I said, "Let's invite Brian." We had previously joked that we would not see Brian for 10 weeks since Jesse was out of town. Scott said, "Well, let's also invite Adam. I said I'd hang out with him soon."

"Great," I said. "This will give me great blogging material."

And oh, it did.

The Drama known as Abish
I knew that I was silly for trying to make plans with gay men. By their very nature, gay men are very fickle (yes, you are) and prone to indecision (stop denying it). I have found that it's useless to make plans too far in advance or to plan something without first asking them all for suggestions.

"Why is this so?" you ask.

Three words: drama, drama, drama.

I texted Adam and Brian on Thursday to see what they were doing Saturday night. Both said, "Nothing. Why?" I invited them to hang out and their replies were both, "Who's all coming?" When I said that it would be us, (the five of us, including David) they said yes.

Because it matters who we hang out with?

Apparently.

You see, Friday night, Adam texted Scott and I to see what we were both doing. Since Scott had a date, he replied, "I'm on a date." This caused Adam to get pissy (I know, there's something new) because Scott had time to make new friends but not hang out with old ones. (Yet, he always makes time to hang out with me and Jesse. Hmmm. Well, just me and that's what's important.) Scott said, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow." To which Adam replied, "Maybe. We haven't decided yet."

Of course, since Scott and I talk constantly (this is me rolling my eyes), I knew about this conversation when I went and picked Adam up an hour later to go shopping with me. So, I mentioned it to Adam because he had told me two hours ago that he and David were planning on it and David was very excited. (Confused yet?) Of course, Adam was mad that Scott had told me what he said. Grr.

Finally, Saturday night came around. Scott mentioned that Arlyn may join us. And we knew fireworks would ensue.

Rosegate
You see, Adam and Brian have a history with Arlyn and do not like him.

In 2002ish, Adam, Brian and Arlyn were all good friends. Something happened between the three of them and Brian and Adam no longer like Arlyn. When Adam found out Arlyn was coming over, he said, "I will not be nice to him."

Scott put in his angry eyes, pointed at him, and told Adam in his teacher voice that he'd better be nice--or else! Brian had previously told Scott that he would be nice around Arlyn, but still would not like him.

Arlyn showed up with my friend Jessica, her cousin, and Robb Henry. (see Six Degrees of Separation below)

Things went ok, until Arlyn gave Scott a rose. Oh boy.

Adam was clearly jealous. But not because he likes Scott like that. You see, whenever Scott has started dating someone (and when Brian started dating Jesse), Adam gets extremely jealous that this person has "stolen" his friend from him. He's never gotten over Brian "leaving" him for Jesse (but, Jesse is the cuter and funner friend!) and always makes Scott feel guilty about his new relationships.

Scott has vowed, though, not anymore. He will not take Adam's crap anymore!

It was awkward to have Arlyn and my other friends standing around watching the rest of us play Scrabble so Scott left the game and went to talk to them. It was still an enjoyable evening and Brian and I tried to hurry the game along as best we could so we all could chat. However, Adam just would not secede. (I'm sorry, I just had to include a Civil War reference).

This just made Adam more mad.

Luckily, things went okay and around midnight, Arlyn, Scott and the others left. Adam, Brian, David and I were just finishing our Scrabble game when Adam said, "Well, that was just incredibly rude."

"Adam, get over it. You spent the whole evening with Scott and just accept what you're given. You can't do anything to change it so stop complaining," said Yoda Brian.

This shut him up.

Six Degrees of Separation
I met Arlyn around the same time as Brian and Adam did--but through student government--not the gay community. At the same time, I became good friends with Jessica and Matt. The three of us were inseparable and had such good times.

Since, then, I have become better friends with Arlyn through politics while Brian and Adam's friendship with him obviously became non-existent. Matt and Jessica and I were out of touch for a while but we've since made plans to repeat our infamous "Going to a basketball game while drunk" outing. (Sorry, Arlyn.)

Jesse was good friends with Robb Henry at one time (I think they may have dated, but I'm not sure) (and by "dated" I mean "slept together") HAHA! UPDATE: Jesse has informed me that he and Robb never dated or slept together. They are just friends.

Anyway, I have met Robb before, in fact, he's been to my house before. On Jesse's 21st birthday, we had a "surprise" party for him and Robb showed up. I don't think he remembered though. And, I don't think Brian cared for him either. Hmmm.

Jesse has also become friends with Arlyn and was his bitch in 2004. Scott met Arlyn through Jesse and I. (Yes, I know. I am so wonderful.)

The night was not a total drag, though. I found out one very important detail about someone's relationship. But that is a blog for another time.